Mother's Day Hurts

Posted by Notes from Parenting U on May 8, 2011 

I know it is blasphemous to say, but I don't really like Mother’s Day. I believe many more people find Mother’s Day painful rather than joyful.  I admit that I was fairly ignorant of this fact until my husband and I tried to start our family without much early success. Mother’s Day after a miscarriage is like have a band-aid ripped off and salt water rubbed into the wound. Looking around way back then, I realized I wasn’t alone in my pain.

Here is a partial list of people for whom Mother’s Day is a painful day:

·        Children whose mothers abused them.

·        Children whose mothers have died.

·        Children whose mothers are in jail.

·        Women who have not been able to have desperately wanted children.

·        Women who have had children, but were not able to raise them.

·        Women whose children have died.

Do we really need an official day to accentuate and magnify the pain that so many feel? Personally, I don’t think so.

Some will say that the pain of some should not take away from celebrating the gifts and contributions of mothers. But shouldn't we appreciate and acknowlege those gifts and contributions throughout the year?

I have been a mom for nearly 16 years now. I have had many special “Mother’s Day” moments. But you know something? They were never on Mother’s Day. No card could replicate the gratitude expressed by a worried child when you have helped them solve a problem. No candy is sweeter that your child’s first attempts in the kitchen. No florist’s bouquet is lovelier than the grubby dandelions clutched behind the back of a dirty, sweaty kid. The moments that really matter to moms, which we treasure in our hearts, can rarely be orchestrated to fall on a particular day. The unexpected moments of love and appreciation are worth so much more.

So if it were up to me, there would be no official Mother’s Day or Father’s Day to rub salt water in the wounds of so many people. And for those of us who are blessed to have the company of wonderful parents, grandparents and children? Surely we don’t need Hallmark to remind us once a year to say “I love you.”

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