Larry Webster: Be careful what you split and how you vote

Contributing columnistAugust 19, 2012 

It was a time like no other. As I had long expected, when they finally discovered the God particle, it turned out to be baking soda.

We should have known that all along. It's really all you need to keep house.

It's going to be hard to split this little bitty particle. Splitting things into yet smaller pieces has about ruined bluegrass music, and it is equally dangerous in physics. Every time they bust one more particle, they are not totally sure the world will not be destroyed, if we don't do it sooner from corn nubbin' shortage.

A particle that you can't have Mass without is a merger of science and religion, which will, with luck, destroy both.

Science advanced and so did math when it was announced that a long unsolvable problem, called May's Quandary, had been cracked. Until the breakthrough, it was not thought that you could be the number one hospital in the nation when somebody else was the number one hospital in the state, and the latter being about 200th or something in the nation. Cynics say that hospitals are rated by organizations who put on pageants and cheerleading contests.

In a very un-American thing for a Jamaican to do, mon, a runner slowed down his bolt so the others wouldn't be beat so bad, right after he made fun of the queen. They should put him in charge of, like the whole world. Back in Jamaica he would be overrun by college football scouts.

There was rumor that on the tenth night of the Olympics, boobs were spotted on one of the female athletes, but I didn't see any. The prime minister of England, triumphant, put his thumb on his nose and "NaNaNaNaed" Romney.

Helen Gurley Brown died. She founded the sexual revolution, which was put down by Reagan. But her legacy lives on in the 85 year old landlord accused of inchoate fondling of a tenant. Men were proud of him and more women than you would think relieved that you can get rental assistance in hard times.

A policeman was disciplined for trying to trade sex for a ticket, which will lead to a critical shortage of policemen. Police are routinely allowed to shoot someone without consequence, but we simply have to draw the line somewhere and forbid them the pleasures of the road. After all, every ticket they don't write deprives the judiciary of what it needs to build buildings. I always wondered where the cop put all that equipment when fixing a ticket.

Democrats sometimes get what they deserve. Those who are not going to the convention because one of the kids has ball practice deserve what they get. They, being lukewarm in their support of an excellent president, are subject to spewing.

Greg Stumbo is not going to be defeated for being a Democrat and decided to rededicate.

Mitt and Paul. You got yourself pregnant, so stay pregnant. The economics of Hoover. You don't need Social Security or Medicare. Take care of yourself with your annuities.

Professors Daron Acemoglu from MIT and James Robinson from Harvard spent 15 years researching why great nations have failed in history. It was almost always caused, not quite by the concentration of wealth, but when the wealthy translated their money into political power. Then it doesn't take long for a nation to kerplunk.

The essence of Romney/Ryan, the Hayek kayak they float in, is to encourage wealth accumulation, that very dangerous doctrine described in Why Nations Fail, lowering taxes on the investing class, making the middle class cough up more and putting the sick out on a cliff for the buzzards.

Larry Webster is a Pikeville lawyer.

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