If I'm Mark Stoops, I hope to get through these next two weeks — at South Carolina this Saturday; at home with Alabama the next week — without serious injuries before a less ridiculous (hopefully) second half of the schedule.
If I'm Kentucky offensive coordinator Neal Brown, I have to start seriously thinking it might be best to pick a quarterback and stick with him.
If I'm Kentucky defensive coordinator D.J. Eliot, I would be happy with the way my defense hung in there while being on the field for most of the night against the bigger, better Gators on Saturday.
If I were kicker Joe Mansour, who showed some surprising speed on that 25-yard touchdown run off a fake field goal attempt, I might ask if I could return kicks.
If I'm an older Kentucky football fan, I give thanks that I do remember a time when the Cats beat the Gators.
If I'm Southern Cal Athletics Director Pat Haden, I have Vanderbilt Coach James Franklin at or near the top of my list to replace the pink-slipped Lane Kiffin.
If I'm a Tennessee football fan, remembering the way Kiffin left Knoxville after only a year, I can't help but smile.
If I'm Western Kentucky Coach Bobby Petrino, I'm hoping that Haden will call, knowing he probably won't.
If I'm South Carolina Coach Steve Spurrier, whose team squeaked past Central Florida 28-25 on Saturday, my future trips to Orlando would only involve golf.
If I'm one of the overworked statisticians who worked the Georgia-LSU game on Saturday, I ask for Monday off.
If I'm Tammy Mettenberger, the mother of LSU quarterback Zack Mettenberger, and an administrative aide in the Georgia football office, I'm glad last week is over.
If I'm LSU Coach Les Miles, I remind my team that Alabama made the national championship game last season with one loss.
If I'm former UK basketball coach Tubby Smith, it felt good to hear the love when I was introduced with the Hall of Fame class at Commonwealth Stadium on Saturday night.
If I'm former UK football coach Joker Phillips, it felt good to get all those hugs from former players and friends and athletics department staffers at Commonwealth Stadium on Saturday night.
If I'm Mitch Barnhart (and the other athletics directors around the SEC), I continue to worry about those empty seats that keep showing up in my football stadium.
If I'm Mississippi quarterback Bo Wallace, who said the Rebels would score on Alabama — the Rebels did not — I'd remember the old saying: Nothing is more frequently opened by mistake than the human mouth.
If I'm Alabama Coach Nick Saban, I would give thanks to Wallace for his game-week comments.
If I'm injured Florida quarterback Jeff Driskel, I might Google the name Wally Pipp.
If I were filling out my Heisman Trophy ballot today, I'd put Teddy Bridgewater on the top line.
If I'm a Cincinnati Bengals fan, I am wondering if Andy Dalton is really going to get my team where I want it to go.
If I'm a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, my team now 0-4 for the first time since 1968, I'm wondering what in the world is going on.
If I'm a young Kentucky football fan, I suppose I like this use of black in the football team's color combinations.
If I'm more of a traditionalist (and I am), I'd argue that the school fight song doesn't say, "We'll fight, fight, fight for the Blue and Black."
If I'm a UK sports fan, I keep repeating the words, Julius Randle, Julius Randle.
John Clay: (859) 231-3226. Email: email@example.com. Twitter: @johnclayiv. Blog: Johnclay.bloginky.com.