Larry Webster: On Corvettes, Rupp skyboxes and other religious icons

Contributing ColumnistMarch 16, 2014 

Larry Webster

The junior senator from Kentucky came one step closer to becoming the first president of the United States named "Randy."

Sen. Paul moved from Texas to Bowling Green because he wanted to be closer to sinkholes. At the right-wing expo in Washington he vastly outpolled the candidate who was born in Canada but moved to Texas because he wanted to be closer to other kinds of holes.

Sen. Ted Cruz wants to return the Republican Party to the ideals of the Bush/Cheney years, in which diversity consisted of having two white men from two different oil companies.

He may have to run against another 'y' dropper, his fellow Texan, Gov. Rick Perry, who forgets, and who hopes voters have too.

Paul is reaching out, first to the Kentucky legislature, which must allow him to run for president and senator both at the same time, and then to people of color who he has boldly asked to become Republicans, something he will have to lie out of in the debates.

He went so far as to recommend that convicted felons get to vote, and if that works he had better hope that blacks go Republican.

One out of five black males are convicted felons and that is one reason for the stand-your-ground laws, which are being interpreted in Florida as making loud rap music grounds for shooting a carload of presumptive felons.

In some counties in Kentucky, there are so many ex-cons that it is hard to find somebody's vote to buy.

The legislature is too busy deciding whether to raise the minimum wage so that the rest of us will not have to supplement the meager wages of Wal-Marters and McWorkers by paying for the public benefits they must have to survive selling clothes made by Oriental children who get paid a few cents for a 12-hour day so that the Waltons will have their mountain.

Conservatives have also decided to compete for the gay vote, a real silent minority.

Many now would allow same-sex marriage, on the assumption that if marriage is bad enough for regular people it is also bad enough for irregular people.

Gov. Steve Beshear picked up the legal appeal ball which Attorney General Jack Conway handed off to him and explained the logic behind it — namely that we need to spend a few million dollars paying lawyers to defend something anyone knows is unconstitutional.

If we had back all the public money which has been spent in the state of Kentucky defending the unconstitutional practice of placing religious icons in public places, we could build more skyboxes in Rupp Arena.

Some of us were real glad those Corvettes fell into that hole, and wish there were holes enough for the rest of them. For one thing, Corvettes all look alike and have since 1963.

For another, they are cars which rich kids drove around while the rest of us were riding three to a mule, or in the back of a cattle truck.

I have never been privileged to drive a Corvette, but was allowed to ride in one once, and it felt like sitting on a chaise lounge with your feet straight out.

Right now, Corvettes are mainly owned and driven by the Viagra set to haul around their trophy wives and park outside Rupp Arena on their way to their boxes.

Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney at

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