Larry Webster: Mannequin look no match for Mexican hater; Oprah for Dems

Contributing ColumnistJune 22, 2014 

Larry Webster

At June Meetin' last Sunday Jerry Deaton shared with me a wonderful story he had gathered just a few days before in the London-Corbin area. Some old guy was telling him about how much things had changed during his lifetime and how surprised he was by it all. For instance, he said, nowadays people carry phones in their pockets and have cameras right on those phones. But the old guy said the biggest surprise of his life was that now we had a president of the United States that was ... from Hawaii!

A lot of us could stand to be surprised by not having to look at Hillary Clinton for the next 10 years, or hear that fake laugh. As New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd put it, Clinton's re-emergence is like having to go to a "golden oldies" concert by a band you didn't like in the first place.

Plenty of us who think it is time for a woman president don't want just any woman. Sen. Elizabeth Warren would do, as she actually has principles, but Massachusetts is one in three for electing presidents. And House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi is too old. One more face lift and she will be showing her independence.

It seems to me the best hope for Democrats is to nominate Oprah.

There is talk that Chelsea Clinton will be the next, which made me run to the life-expectancy charts, where I was comforted to know that I would be safely dead when that happens. But I may live to have to contend with another Bush.

Politics nowadays has to do with brands, and so the next presidential election may pit the Clinton brand against the Bush brand. Rand Paul's common sense about Israel is an existential threat to his candidacy, so his party may turn to Jeb, hoping that voters will forget his little brother and the senseless invasion of Iraq which destroyed their government and killed thousands of Americans so that the Middle East would be safe for Sunni to fight Shia.

I was saddened to learn at the Food City checkout counter about the Obamas' divorce. We all thought they were getting along so good, but very few marriages can survive teenage daughters.

I have not heard of one soul who was sad to hear that Eric Cantor lost his primary election, with the issue being immigration, or, as we know it in Kentucky, people who will still work in tobacco.

Cantor is Jewish and no doubt thought that he was cozy with conservative Christians in his district, and he had been a dutiful obstructionist of anything the president wanted to do.

He had the mannequin look of modern pols but, alas, was gang rejected in favor of a college professor who hates Mexicans.

There are now unique opportunities for childless couples in the United States who cannot find anybody to adopt. They can merely go stand on the bank of the Rio Grande and pick over the 45,000 hungry Central American children, every one of whom, if allowed to become an American citizen, is in danger of becoming a Democrat.

One reason they are all hungry is that they cannot afford corn to make up all those things you can buy at Taco Bell. We are very sorry, but we need that corn to make gasoline. Let them eat cake.

Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney at

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