Posted on Fri, Feb. 08, 2008

Casting calls

OK, esteemed and not-so-esteemed directors have taken their stabs at casting Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln. Now, step into the Weekender Central Casting Agency for some Abes and Marys we'd like to see.

Seriously: Before we go off the deep end -- and hold on, because we are going -- may we suggest our own George Clooney, left, and Ashley Judd, below, as Abe and Mary. Call us homers if you like, but George definitely has put together the resume for playing an American icon, and Ashley has been quietly showing the range to play Mary (well, not all that quietly, in Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Bug). We honestly think they could make a great Lincoln movie together.

Young (and sexy) Abraham Lincoln: Jake Gyllenhaal as Abe, Jessica Alba as Mary.

In 10 years: Keanu Reeves as Abe, Britney Spears as Mary. Consider 2007-08 as Britney just getting in character.

Goth Lincoln: Johnny Depp as Abe and Helena Bonham Carter as Mary. Same great Sweeney Todd couple, a lot less blood -- at least, in their own residence.

Spooky Lincoln: David Duchovny as Abe and Gillian Anderson as Mary ... all right, life just hasn't been the same without Scully and Mulder.

On Oxygen, a very special movie event: Any Baldwin brother as Abe -- well, except Daniel, because that turn on Celebrity Rehab is just stomach-churning -- and Valerie Bertinelli as Mary.

VH-1's 100 Best Lincoln Moments Retrospective: Eminem as Abe, Adrianne Curry as Mary.

Bravo's Project Lincoln: Jeffrey Sebelia, the obnoxious little neck-tattoo guy who won Project Runway last season as Abe, Elle magazine fashion guru Nina Garcia as Mary. Tim Gunn could guest-voice about the reunited states: "Make them work."

The Disney Channel original movie White House Musical: Zac Efron as Abe and Ashley Tisdale as Mary. They celebrate winning the Civil War with a big dance number on the White House lawn -- "Un-ion in the house! ... "

Gut-bustingly hilarious Lincoln: Will Ferrell got a lot of mileage out of portraying our current president on Saturday Night Live and online. His Mary: SNL's underappreciated Amy Poehler. Question is, should she dye her hair or just play it blonde?