Disaster Movie is the latest and most slap-dash of the movie parodies to atrophy out of the Scary Movie franchise. It shows more signs of the postpartum depression that these movies have felt since the Wayans Brothers gave them to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, and the stretch marks of trying to make fun of a movie genre that isn't exactly current, "with it" or now.
And let's stop with the pregnancy analogies right here, no matter how tempting that "about-as-funny-as-afterbirth" gag seems.
Disaster has maybe nine laughs in it, most of them given birth by Crista Flanagan's dead-on impersonation of the very pregnant title character in Juno.
"Chilly Willy out, L.L. not Cool J.," she blurts in that "clever for clever's sake" Juno style. "I'm more bloated than Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up, or Fred Claus, or Vince Vaughn!"
And then the hacks who hacked this together make fun of anyone who actually makes the effort to write clever dialogue.
They've cobbled together a Cloverfield plot, with hints of I Am Legend, The Day After Tomorrow, a chipmunk zombie movie and 10,000 B.C. And though Hannah Montana will never back down, even an Enchanted beatdown set in No Country for Old Men, served up, Zohan style, won't prompt Hancock or The Love Guru to save us from our Night at the Museum, or the end of the world the lead character, Will (Matt Lanter, zero charisma) dreams.
That day of the apocalypse? Aug. 29, the day Disaster Movie opens.
What's interesting in these movies is that they're no longer made by people who love movies or have any skill at making them. This is a random sample of Short Attention Span Nation randomness, with pop culture rips on TV (My Super Sweet 16, High School Musical, American Gladiators), gossip train wrecks (Amy Winehouse), music stars (Justin Timberlake, Michael Jackson) and viral video. That whole Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel "I'm (having sexual intercourse with) Matt Damon/Ben Affleck" joke is played out in a tedious musical finale.
Everybody needs a paycheck and chances are, this will earn back its meager cost in one weekend. But one joke here seems the most relevant. A Hayden Christensen (Jumper) look-alike is impaled on Prince Caspian's mighty sword. Caspian stares at the actor-skewer on a stick and cracks, "He's the guy who ruined Star Wars!"
Hey, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, you're the guys who ruined the Scary Movies!