The 1904 silent film The Great Train Robbery ended with a robber pointing a gun at the audience. The simple trick cost almost nothing, but it freaked people out.
Those people seem like rubes, don't they? What sort of simpleton is scared or enthralled by the image of someone on a giant screen pointing a gun at them?
Smash cut to present day, where the third dimension is the big thing. If a movie ain't in 3-D, it's crap.
James Cameron should be punched for this trend. True, the 3-D fire has been burning since at least the 1950s (and it burned brightly in the '80s), but Cameron's Dances With Smurfs, aka Avatar, showed the world that 3-D isn't just a gimmick — it's a really lucrative gimmick.
Call me a Luddite. A technophobe. I don't care.
I hate 3-D movies. This relaunched three-dimensional revolution is in its infancy, and I already want it to end. Here's why:
5. Most are crap: Clash of the Titans is only the most recent movie that sucked in three dimensions. Some more suckage from the past two years: The Final Destination, G-Force, My Bloody Valentine 3D and Journey to the Center of the Earth. Most of these types of movies substitute visual gimmickry for story structure and character development.
4. It's the wave of the future: You know, just like VHS, Betamax, LaserDiscs, DivX, HD DVD. ... Yawn. If you want to be revolutionary, don't meddle with 3-D. Invent 5-D, where the movie takes place in your head and you control the outcome. That's the future.
3. Kids love it: There's a reason Pixar is rolling in the 3-D money: Seeing the third dimension is mind-blowing for little kids. But children are easily dazzled. If you need proof, find the nearest 4-year-old and say "Yo Gabba Gabba!" See what happens.
2. It's expensive and unevolved: Clash of the Titans wasn't originally filmed in 3-D, and some scenes were converted after the fact. Why? Money, money, money. Showing a 3-D movie means the studio and theaters can charge the viewer more.
1. The glasses are just silly: Everyone looks like a tool with 3-D specs on. Let's talk when they invent 3-D contact lenses. Maybe.