As comedian Jerry Seinfeld comes to Richmond on Friday, consider these words that, to those who did not and still don't watch his landmark and one-liner-filled 1990s sitcom Seinfeld, sound like a lot of talk about nothing:
Shrinkage: The way a man's body after a swim looks like a frightened turtle.
Master of your domain: Able in solitude to resist self-indulgence.
Soup Nazi: Violate the regimental order and "No soup for you!"
Never miss a local story.
That's a shame: Any misfortune that befalls someone other than you.
Good luck with all that: That's a shame.
Serenity now: A soothing mantra that just bottles up the anger until eventually, you blow. (May substitute "Hoochie mama.")
Spongeworthy: Worth sacrificing a contraceptive that's no longer being manufactured.
Make-up sex: Almost as good as a conjugal visit.
Fugitive sex: Even better.
Festivus: Dec. 23. It begins with the airing of grievances and leads to the feats of strength. Shut up and wrestle your father.
The Bro: A bra for men, also known as the "Mansierre."
Blanking: The inability to come up with an excuse.
Excuse Rolodex: What you consult when you're blanking.
The vault: Where you keep a friend's secret.
Low talker: What?
High talker: Dude sounds like a lady.
Close talker: Get out of my face.
Long talker: Get to the point.
Yada yada yada: Skipping to the conclusion.
Sentence finisher: Someone who skips to the conclusion for you.
Sidler: Someone who sneaks up beside you to take credit for your work.
A two-face: Pretty or ugly depending on the light.
Mimbo: A male bimbo.
Man hands: Part woman, part horrible beast, like a creature out of Greek mythology.
A bad breaker-upper: Stick a fork in him, big head — he's done.
Breakup by association: You can't be friends when your friends break up.
Pre-emptive breakup: The way to get the upper hand in a dying relationship.
Hand: The upper hand (and you're going to need it).
Do the opposite: If every instinct you have is wrong.
Not that there's anything wrong with that: Gay.
Switch teams: Gay going straight or vice versa.
Regifter: The guy who gave you the label maker.
Degifter: The guy who wants you to give him back his Super Bowl tickets.
A bounder: A mooch from England.
Mulva: Fallback for when you can't remember Delores' name.
You are so good looking: A substitute for "bless you" when someone sneezes.
Get jiggy with it: Crank up the music.
Happy Pappy? Well, are you?
Step-skipper: Jumping ahead on the 12-step program.
Face-painter: Painting your face to support the team.
Rochelle, Rochelle: A young woman's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk.
A square to spare: Need some toilet paper?
A phone face-off: Hanging up on one person to talk to another.
Cellphone walk-and-talk: Only half paying attention to someone on your cellphone.
Sweet fancy Moses! An exclamation (may substitute "Yo-Yo Ma" or "Boutros Boutros-Ghali").
You've got to see the baby: No matter how ugly it is.
Shiksappeal: A myth, like the Yeti, or his North American cousin, the Sasquatch.
Muffin stumps: Where are the tops to these muffins?
Was that wrong? What you ask the boss when he finds out you got intimate with the cleaning lady on your desk.
Vandelay Industries: Where you told the unemployment office you applied for a job as a latex salesman.
The move: It ends with a swirl.
Friends with benefits: The idea that you can be friends and still do the move.
Double dip: You dipped a chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again. It's like putting your whole mouth in the dip.
High five: A gesture characteristic of a grease monkey.
Risk: A game of world domination played by guys who can't run their own lives.
The second button: It literally makes or breaks the shirt.
The urban sombrero: Perfect for an office siesta.
I'm here for you: In the event you break up with someone who's not.
Skinny mirror: A false reflection of your true body-mass index.
Roommate switch: Trying to dump your girlfriend and date her roommate.
Ménage à trois: Strategy for initiating the roommate switch.
It's go time: What you say to someone before you try to prove he's not better than you.
Giddyup: It's go time.
Ma-nure: It's "ma," which is good, and "newer," which is also good.
Worlds are colliding: They're killing Independent George.
Stuff your sorrys in a sack: I don't know what that means.
Magic time: Time for a meeting.
Super terrific happy hour: Magic time.
These pretzels are making me thirsty: A line from a Woody Allen movie.
Go out on a high note: Thank you; you've been great. That's it for me. I am out of here.