What separates Kathy Griffin's quest for publicity from so many other cries for attention — yes, Heidi and Spencer Pratt, we're looking at you — is that she's essentially just trying to get more interest for her comedy.
Though her Emmy-winning Bravo series My Life on the D-List gets her the most notice, it's her stand-up comedy tour that's her bread and butter.
At least, until now.
"Frankly, I can barely fit you in between my several bikini shoots as a sex object," she says, taking a break from a photo shoot for TV Guide's "Hottest Bikini Bods!" edition. "That's a normal day for me."
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And with that, Griffin is off to the races.
Question: What can we expect from The D-List this year?
Answer: We have ratcheted things up like you wouldn't believe. The theme this year is that I'm getting mentored to get me off the D-List. ... I do a whole episode about race and stand-up and "Is comedy colorblind?" I do a set at the world-famous Apollo Theater, and let's just say it doesn't go my way. But I do a lot of comedy and I get some advice from the genius Katt Williams, who, I think, is just the greatest comedian in the world, and I get intro'ed by the Rev. Al Sharpton.
A: I'd like my third Emmy right now, please.
Q: What can top that?
A: We go with what I call the Miami Mafia, with Gloria Estefan, the de facto mayor of Miami, and Rosie O'Donnell. These two girls, they run that town. ... I'm trying to get some advice, and then my mother actually tries to get me to take the advice.
Q: Well, that all sounds pretty A-list, though. Are you losing some of your D-list charm?
A: OK, here's how I can prove I'm still on the D-list to you: I just did this photo shoot, and I was feeling pretty good. Then, the photographer said he's worked with me before and he's telling me this story and then he realized the whole time he was talking about Joely Fisher. Yeah, it just happened 15 minutes ago. ...
Oh, and I also wanted to tell you that last night I had sex with Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8. Yeah, I did. Not that I would say that for publicity.
Q: Heavens, no.
A: Then I had sex with Kate as well, but that was in the Running Bear Bed & Breakfast, also in suburban Reading, Pa. I can't keep our forbidden love a secret any longer.
Q: You know, this might generate a little publicity.
A: I am counting on you to not print that. But if you need it, I could also send you a picture. ... Also, I had sex with the fourth Jonas Brother, um, Chip Jonas. He's a harpist and a singer, and I had sex with him yesterday.
Q: You were busy yesterday.
A: Don't tell anybody. ... And wait! How dare you say that to me publicly! I deny it all.
Q: Sorry you lost the Grammy, but at least it was to George Carlin.
A: Exactly. When you lose to Carlin, it's not even fun because it's not even like losing. I couldn't really have one of my famous fits. As you know, I like to have a fit at an awards show, whether I win or lose. With Carlin, it's a whole other situation.
Q: You're recording your new CD tomorrow.
A: Now, Glenn, listen to me. Don't you dare accuse me of trying to get a Grammy by recording a holiday CD, because I resent that. ... You should know that there will probably be not one ounce of holiday material on the CD at all. There's going to be a lot of negativity and inappropriate language and talking a lot of trash about celebrities.
Q: So, is this tour a preview for (the CD)?
A: No, I am perpetually on tour. I'm not like Chris Rock, where he takes time off and goes and thinks of brilliant bits. I just do my dog-and-pony show all the time. I'm out there. I'm like the swine flu. I'm out there and covering as many cities as possible.