While it’s somewhat of a shame that the money exchanged in the renaming of the University of Kentucky football stadium will separate UK and its fans just a little more, since Kentuckians felt pride and connection with the name “Commonwealth,” I would like to get in on the fun in changing the name to Kroger Field.
I’m sure Kroger will have consulting rights with sports announcer Tom Leach. He will possibly be mentored to use food terms as often as he can in describing the game. If an opponent is weak, refer to them as cupcakes. A show-off player is a hot dog. If UK is running away with the game, the crowd is going bananas. If a UK player makes a bone-jarring hit, refer to the tackled player as ground beef.
And just maybe Leach will be told not to refer to the ball as a football or pigskin, but bacon; so if a player makes a good run, instead of using a phrase like “he’s off to the races,” he will be “bringing home the bacon.”