We had a woman who, if nobody else had been, would get saved the last night of revival, but not always every year.
A couple of humble Republicans, one strutting and one dribbling, came down the aisle just in time, repented of error and knelt at the feet of the Tea Party, which was singing Just As We Are, and announced that not only had they got saved but also got called to preach, all during the start of that last verse.
The zeal of approval.
Jesus was a liberal, but the right doesn't think any the more of him for it. Jesus has a lot in common with modern Mexicans. Both are dark skinned and short, and both lived or live in a place where it is pretty easy to get your head cut off. Both Jesus and Mexicans had their country taken over a couple hundred years back by a superior military force, which means for Mexicans, not only did they lose Tucson and Hollywood Boulevard, now they can be instantly jailed for setting foot on their ancient lands.
Never miss a local story.
This is all because of something they call "law."
Because the United States government is not doing enough to see that there is nobody to cut tobacco and wash dishes and court little chubby mountain girls and have pretty babies by them with last names that sound like shortstops, because we find offensive the idea of poor people working real hard for us at low wages to send back to their hungry children in what is left of their native lands, because of all that we need a new law, and we need it soon.
Tea Party to the rescue!
The Republican legislative agenda was passed in the Kentucky Senate after a few minutes of thoughtful debate. It guarantees the right of each Kentuckian to keep and add to their present 37 guns each, and establishes the right to hunt on your property. It establishes that any one of your neighbors has the absolute right to destroy the landscape of your community and pollute or take the water source for your land. Right up there with the right to jury trial, or habeas corpus, will be the right to strip mine.
Lord, plant our feet on lower ground.
Locking up all dark-skinned people without papers will kill farming and Chinese restaurants. Agriculture Commissioner Richie Farmer may have been too busy to notice, but there are still farms out there, and there are times when they need help and they need it cheap. And they need somebody who will work hard in the hottest weather, and either don't complain much, or if they do, you can't understand them anyway.
If Kentucky takes over immigration, the negative effect of arresting illegals will be more than offset by the positive effect of keeping all those new prisons full. As legislators see the folly of their past ways of criminal justice and maybe decide to spend some state money on something other than jails, we have to find prisoners somewhere. We don't want them sending terrorists in here to jail.
Some say the whole idea comes from prison corporations, but that would be cynical. But empty prisons are embarrassing to lawmakers who have been generously provided by the prison business, now a signature industry in Kentucky.
Prisons are soothing to a community, and people who work in prisons get a little weird and that adds color to a town.
The new bill also addresses the question of whether, if you have a kid whose middle name is Junior and he has a kid and names it after himself, is it Junior Junior or the Second?
Gov. Ernie Fletcher addressed this problem in his term but never could get consensus, leaving hundreds of mountain people with an incorrect number of sticks after their name.
Meanwhile, we can only hope and pray certain people are among those 40 politicians with secret bank accounts WikiLeaks plans to out.
In the future, politicians will go back to burying money in coffee cans, like they ought to.
Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney.