All we learned from thoughtful Kentucky political discourse is that Hindu is not only in the chicken house. Nay, 'tis an ism, professed today by four-fifths of the population of India and a lot of doctors and motel owners in Eastern Kentucky.
It is the world's oldest religion which ever amounted to anything and strongly resembles Christianity, another major religion, which not only amounted to something, but went on to become the only way to heaven.
Hindu customs and patterns of worship are so close to ours that if Gov. Beshear does decide to change it to our religion, we will have little trouble adapting.
Both religions are polytheist. We are Pretty Polly theists, stobbed to the heart, in the woods, by a little will. We have the decency not to worship too many gods. Christians worship somewhere between one and three gods, unless you add the Virgin and John Paul II and coal and people and stuff like that.
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Hindus get a little ridiculous in making up gods but most can name at least Brahma the creator, Vishnu the preserver, and Shiva the destroyer, he being the one we know best because he has all those extra arms and his wife sort of looks like Madonna in the chest.
They have a divine bull and I think it used to be named Nandi but they may call it something else now. The favorite animal of Christians is steak.
Both religions suffer from the other one trying to convert them. India like to never have overcome the relentless proselytizing that came with British rule. In turn, we post the religious documents of one religion in public places, to let our new Hindu friends know what we expect.
The caste system often associated with Hinduism is not that different from ours. The highest order are the priests and so are ours. Next comes princes and warriors. That would be like Romney and the Bushes and all those candidates with sticks after their names and many zeroes on their balance sheet. Somewhere in here in the caste system comes lawyers and people like that, but I will have to doublecheck and see what caste I am in if we do go Hindu. I guess you would get a card or something.
The next caste down in both religions are the merchants and landowners, followed by next-to-last, the farmers, laborers and servants, and then down from a decent caste so low that they are on SSI and pills, the untouchables.
There are some slight differences in the caste systems of the two religions. Christian castes are getting petrified and fossilized, which will lead to what a Republican sound bite will call "caste warfare."
Meanwhile, India has seen the backbone of its caste system broken, some say because of a religious movement within Hinduism. Here we keep hoping Christianity will just save the mountains.
We go to heaven, whereas Hindus keep getting reborn and coming back. They would be more likely to want to not tear down the mountains. Plus, their karma, their action, even small, that they do in this life determines whether they get reborn in a higher state, like a governor or something, or a lower state, like a president of the Senate, or even down to a worm.
But you keep doing better every life until you get perfect, like John Boehner, and you stay there.
A lot of you also don't know the Buddha enough to know that Buddha in the Orient is fat and Buddha in the East is skinny. Some worship fat idols and some worship skinny. If there was one somewhere between, with its eyes drooped and its legs crossed, the Buddha would resemble both David Williams and Steve Beshear.
It's hard to politically karma when you have you no chance of rebirth. Will the governor pursue mediocrity or go for a higher state? What would the guru do?