This crude satire will be about the Ten Commandments, and for those of you who don't know, these are a set of rules either written by God, if you are a Deuteronomy freak, or a more regular guy, named Moses, if you think Exodus truer.
God, for purposes of the Decalogue, is Israel's God who had gotten them out of Egypt only three months before, a trip which took 40 years, like trying to get into a Speedway.
The First Commandment sanctions other small "g" gods as long as they know their place and not try to get ahead of main God, the one we later adapted. But there was, and remains, a lot more other gods than you would think. There are over 300 million in India alone. I lost count a long time ago.
Moses is easier to remember. He was a legislator, one of the best until Sen. Tom Jensen came along. He was a shepherd for 40 years, but is better known for other stuff. But he was a human who dropped the first set of stones and turned them into overburden, and had to sit down and try to remember how many there were and what they said, and probably left out some stuff, such as lawyers should not advertise.
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We are discussing the Commandments for the benefit of those Kentucky counties who do not have a county attorney to tell them that it is against the law for government to put up religious documents in public places. The Supreme Court and the Bible agree on this one.
The Commandments come down real hard against graven images and idols (wall signs, flags, pictures of old county judges) as contrasting with the nature of the deity. The Supreme Court has said a few times that if you can't put up the rules of all 300 million gods, you can't put any of them up. This actually helps people worship the main God, something it was not always easy to do.
By popular demand, the Commandment on keeping the Sabbath holy has been repealed and can be ignored without even drought or locusts. Wait a minute. The original rule rested the whole household — man, beast and even strangers — but God can be forgiven for not anticipating Wal-mart and that the Wildcats would play on Sunday.
Republicans want to cut Medicare and as part of their debt-ceiling proposal are said to be demanding that we also repeal the Commandment about honoring our fathers and mothers, arguing that the Bible promises long life to those who do, running up even further our Medicare costs. Honoring your father and mother is an actuarial nightmare.
We also are allowed nowadays to covet. Our whole economy is based on coveting. We are about to go into a depression because people are not currently coveting enough.
In quick succession, murder, adultery and theft are forbidden. Scholars have argued over the sequence for hundreds of years, but in the mountains the one follows the other.
But murder, adultery and theft are irrelevant to a fiscal court or to politics, unless ... do you suppose Fox News took a hit on that whistleblower in England? I hope they did.
But the one those fiscal courts who ran up half million dollar bills in behalf of an unconstitutional notion ought to study is the one about bearing false witness.
This would be like claiming in court that you put up the Ten Commandments on the courthouse wall for reasons other than religion. That is called lying and is a sin by even some of the worst gods, and by all the real good ones.
Our current governor once took an unpopular stand in favor of the constitution and stood up to his oath of office on a question of the separation of church and state and should be credited for it.
Those public officials who defy the Constitution ought to pay those lawyer fees out of their own pockets.
Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney.