I got bronze last night in the male lawyer tomato-canning event with 61½ quarts. Those quarts of sunshine began their life as seed in the hands of Down's and other syndrome kids, who make a small wage and sell plants at a greenhouse operation.
Down's is a syndrome which produces nearly perfect human beings who look different. Their plants are twice as healthy as Bonnie's, and I'm not sure if that is because that greenhouse is sacred.
Just as those 'maters are because my granddaughters helped pick them, until they ran off to photograph each other on an iPhone in Miley poses.
Here, in what is left of the rainforest, we get more rain than we need, good fortune largely unappreciated until right about now, when suddenly it looks like famine may be possible because of our energy policy, which is more important than our corn policy.
Never miss a local story.
Our energy policy promotes what my daddy called "drouth," and requires so much corn to go into gas tanks — whether or not the pigs of Indiana or the cows in Texas have any to eat, or even people of so-called inferior culture who live next to us have any corn for their tacos — we fully expect the courts to rule that corn raising is a mineral right.
People who destroy their own soil and water and then face famine are getting what they deserve. They have aimed low and hit their target. There ain't no Detroit to go to anymore.
When the mines are down, or closed for good, and corn worldwide is hoarded like gold for the wealthy, and when nobody will mail you money, what are you going to plant where, and how long will it take to make food, and will the seeds be any good?
Don't tell me you will eat pinto beans. You don't even know where they come from.
Voltaire said that thought depends absolutely on the stomach. Voltaire is a combination of the Chevy Volt and the Corvair, a technological wonder, but nothing compared to the new Mitt, a robot with very humanlike features, or maybe a human with robot-like features.
In a masterful sweep, the Mitt went negative and was labeled a twit by the press in London, come out for war in the Middle East, in which he hopes the superior culture of one branch of Semites defeats their lowlife cousins, and then signed up for the Israeli army and volunteered to go to the settlements and help take some land and kill some Palestine sheep and cut down their ancient olive trees and reroute their water and humiliate them.
Mitt stands firmly for the right of a culturally superior people to impose its will on its neighbors. That's one way to win Florida.
We all need a horse. The Romneys take a $70,000 tax deduction on their Olympic horse. Probably more than that on their secret tax returns, and yet when she sits astride that tax shelter, she looks just like a robot or one of those street-corner beasts that used to graze in Lexington. There have been rumors that dressage has actually been tolerated in Lexington, but they haven't caught anybody.
Romney either costs thousands their jobs or lied to the government on some filings, one or the other. He wants to be president of a country, but the last thing he was president of, he let somebody else do all the work and he just signed the papers.
Very Reagan-like, when you think about it.
Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney. Reach him at email@example.com.