Slemp wants Donald Trump to win, because Trump was once $500 million in debt. That's Slemp's kind of a man. He has never owed that kind of money himself, but he has tried. But, when you decide now who to support for president, the main thing is whether or not you can tolerate seeing that person on television every day for eight years. He figures the Donald will always be entertaining, and will not, like the current president, take a month to say the word "and." He doesn't want some mousy-looking little guy like Bobby Jindal to look at. Plus, he has to agree with some things — Lindsey Graham is a stiff, and Rick Perry does look too much like Superman in those glasses.
The real dreadful prospect to Slemp is Grandma Clinton, who always reminds him of the hall monitor in school who wore stripes on her chest and turned people in. When he sees her or hears her he acts like Doc Martin at a bloodbath, hunting for a wastebasket to throw up in. He kind of looks forward to a woman president, but prefers one with small hips who stands for something — anything. No socialist himself, Slemp is enjoying the rise of Bernie Sanders. Slemp finds that he agrees with every word Sanders says. Slemp is reminded of the days when Louis Farrakhan would say outrageous things and them all true, even though he was of that other religion.
To Slemp, the prospect of having to choose between Hillary Clinton and another Bush is like a condemned man deciding between the gas chamber and the firing squad. Some say that Jeb would be a better chief executive than Little George, but so would practically anybody you picked at random from the phone book.
But Slemp is looking forward to the debates among Republican candidates and figures they will resemble the legendary Letcher County stump speaking at which three candidates for jailer were arguing. One said he had lost a leg in the war and needed the job. Another declared that he had been in a rock fall in the mines and couldn't work and needed to be jailer. The third candidate, who was not to be outdone, told the audience that although he may not look it, he was the worse ruptured man in Letcher County.
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The debates are a likely source of rupture, not of a party, but of political common sense. The debates, that is to say the candidates Fox News selects to run, will feature about 10 or more people vying to see who hates Mexicans the most, who loves Israel so much they would start a war their second day in office, with the first day being reserved to take medical care away from millions of Americans too poor to be Republican.
All will claim that climate change is a dirty lie started by a polar bear with no ice to float on. All will declare that marriage is between one man and one woman, which coincides with the belief of a certain county clerk who has followed that belief because each of her four husbands has been a man.