Only a chosen few can suit up to play for the Kentucky Wildcats and the Louisville Cardinals, but the rest of us can talk a good game.
Taunting your opponent is a tradition that stretches back to medieval times, when a French guard stood atop a castle and jeered at a modest horde, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" Or something like that.
Certainly when Traito ... uh, we mean Coach Rick Pitino brings his University of Louisville Cardinals men's basketball team into Rupp Arena on Saturday to play Coach John Calipari's University of Kentucky Wildcats, "your mother" jokes and other insults will be flying as fast as John Wall's three-pointers.
To get in the spirit of this, the most intense of in-state rivalries, we asked UK and U of L fans to submit some trash talk and scoured the Web for some choice insults. The vast majority of this smack is in favor of UK — this is the capital of the Big Blue Nation after all — but we found a few pro-Louisville jabs.
They can all be broken down into some convenient categories.
■ Did you hear that U of L is getting a new basketball arena made of cardboard? It's fitting, because the team looks so good on paper.
■ What do you call a Kentucky player with a championship ring? A thief.
■ What do an honest U of L basketball player and the tooth fairy have in common? Neither one exists.
■ Have you heard that they are changing the U of L mascot from the cardinal to the opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
■ Considering the NCAA tournament is such a big deal, chanting "NIT!" is insulting to either side.
There were a lot of Pitino jokes we could have used, but this is a family paper.
■ Why do Kentucky basketball players rarely go to the pros? They don't like the cut in pay.
Intelligence (or lack thereof)
■ I heard the U of L library burned down. It destroyed all three books and two hadn't even been colored in yet.
■ What did the average UK student get on his SATs? Drool.
■ What's the one phrase a U of L athlete will never hear? "You're hired."
■ What's the first thing a U of L graduate says at his new job? "Welcome to Papa John's! may I take your order?"
And, to be fair ...
How do you get a UK grad off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.
Sources include Facebook and Twitter submissions, Herald-Leader sports columnist John Clay's Sidelines blog, rivaljokes.com and hoosiergazette.com