Take a Sarah Palin stump speech, expand it to 272 pages, and you've pretty much summed up America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag.
There's a lot about faith and flag, and not nearly enough about her family — but we mined a few nuggets:
■ Her pet peeve? Talentless wannabes: "Did you ever wonder where the producers of American Idol come up with the seemingly endless supply of people who can't sing but are deluded enough to get up in front of a national television audience and screech out a song anyway?" But she loves Dancing With the Stars, and says Bristol joined "to challenge herself in a new, fun way."
■ She revives the Dan Quayle-Murphy Brown debate: Although Bristol is an unwed mother, she paid a price and tries to help other girls with her abstinence message. "Given the choice of role models between Bristol and Murphy Brown, I choose Bristol."
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■ She likes the "subversive moral messages" in the movies Juno, Knocked Up and The 40-Year-Old Virgin: "A European movie might have had Juno get her abortion in the opening scene and then spend the next hour and fifteen minutes smoking cigarettes and pondering the meaning of life."
■ No love lost for Bristol's ex, Levi Johnston, or reporters: "The lies told about our family on national television were outrageous. ... More than once, I thought, 'How could this be worth it? Let's just go back to Wasilla and stop feeding the media beast.'" Obviously, she didn't.
■ Unlike the babydaddy, she spent the day in the delivery room when grandson Tripp was born: "Because the new father wasn't there until the end of Bristol's labor, I helped deliver Tripp."
■ She's proud of "beautiful, strong" Bristol: "She went to college. And worked full-time. And took care of a needy, colicky baby. ... She worked as hard as any young single mother could possibly work." (Bristol had been a medical assistant in a dermatologist's office and took business classes at a community college — but told People it was "nearly impossible" to do both.)
■ She gave up chocolate for a year to prove she could do it: "I believe this feeling of accomplishment is what everyone is created to crave."
■ She bagged a caribou this fall: "I eat, therefore I hunt!" she writes. "I often explain that the meat we eat is wrapped in fur instead of the cellophane that customers purchase in grocery stores."