A humorous order issued by Kenton Circuit Judge Martin Sheehan is making the rounds in legal publications throughout the country, including the American Bar Association Journal.
Sheehan, obviously happy that a lawsuit filed in 2009 had been settled before it was to go to trial, wrote the order on July 19.
News of the settlement has "made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would rather have jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory," Sheehan wrote in the order canceling the trial.
The suit pitted Barbara Kissel of Cincinnati against the Cincinnati law firm Schwartz Manes Ruby & Slovin and others. Kissel claimed that she was not properly represented in a dispute over property she owned in Taylor Mill. Among other things, she sued the defendants for negligence and breach of contract.
A jury trial had been scheduled for July 13.
Sheehan, in his order, told the circuit clerk to "engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk's office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office."
Sheehan and attorneys involved in the case either did not return phone calls to the Herald-Leader or declined to comment.
The ABA Journal, citing the Civil Litigation Blog, said Sheehan likes to include interesting quotations from sources, including Shakespeare and the rock band Pink Floyd, in his opinions.