Away in a foster home, no seat for the car

Larry Webster
Larry Webster

Somebody has to tell what would have happened the week after if Jesus had been swaddled somewhere in Eastern Kentucky in 2016.

So, each went to their villages, to give DNA so the Alt-Right would know who to throw out. There were no methless rooms in the inn, so out to the barn they went. Barns look pretty good to the homeless.

There was first thought to be a star overhead, but the CIA later identified it as an exploding North Korean ICBM aimed at Betsy Layne. Donald Trump said he didn’t believe a word the intelligence community said and would continue to get his facts from the internet, but to be safe advised our main enemy that we both would be better off if we built a lot more bombs.

But nonetheless, three kings followed that star, or whatever it was, and came together, a Sunni a Shia and a Hasidic. They were out in the parking lot cutting each other’s heads off over God.

There was some wise men confusion, and instead Tony Soprano, Joe Pesci and Scarface showed up.

So, let us call the front desk and ask for the manger to find out how it was going on the child’s second day on Earth, a strange enough place for someone used to heaven.

It wasn’t going too good.

The real trouble came when somebody called Child Protective Services and reported a newborn child not in a proper car seat. Of course, they don’t have to tell who called them, but sent out a crew of hefty social workers, who found not only that it was cold, but that there were wild beasts real close by, including a camel which was being soundly beaten by his tough-love handler for not kneeling in front of a hospital where everybody kneels.

To make matters worse, the mother was unwilling to identify the father of the newborn, only saying it was indeed not the young man standing there, who was in fact acting nervous himself because of those bench warrants for unpaid court costs. They claimed he smelled funny, and he tried to tell them the homeless do, but they had him drug tested and he tested positive for myrrh.

So they took the infant and placed him immediately with a nice young foster couple, childless themselves despite their best efforts and who already have bonded with the baby and would be glad to keep him.

So now they go to court and however cold it was out there at the manger, it will be colder in court. But at least Joey can show his old myrrh scrip bottle.

Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at websterlawrencer@