Op-Ed

A bird, a country singer, hash browns? No, it’s just twitter

Anne Shelby
Anne Shelby

#tweetstorm.

New era. Trump is IN. Tweeting is IN. OUT: specifics, polysyllabic words, style, nuance, development of ideas, actual facts. I can do this.

Stock market at record highs! Oh no. Forgot to invest in stock market.

How long until rising tide trickles down, floats all boats, not just yachts? Also row boats, fishing boats, canoes?

Realize I am living with an enemy of the people — professional journalist. Does research, checks facts, verifies sources. Suspicious.

Why sounding like old telegram STOP Am I tweeting yet? I can’t tell.

I’ve been learning Spanish. Una gran margarita, por favor. But maybe I should switch languages. Принеси мне водки сейчас! #BringMeVodkaNow!

Seriously mentally ill people can buy guns? Seriously? Military budget up $54 billion? Trump bellicose, impulsive, possibly insane?

I don’t know about you, but I feel a lot safer already. Bring me vodka now.

Conservative Christians stand up for religious freedom. For conservative Christians. For everybody else’, they sit down, again.

Psychiatrists say they have enough examples of Trump’s speech and behavior patterns. They don’t need to interview him to make a diagnosis.

Some psychiatrists have called the President narcissistic, paranoid and delusional. Others disagree, saying he is just sort of a jerk.

In response to the diagnosis, Trump tweeted, “I’m a big narcissist. Very very big. Biggest narcissist in the world. Everybody tells me.”

Meanwhile, back in Kentucky — #KyLegislature.

Ky. Senate President Robert Stivers demonstrated just how angry he can get at the Herald-Leader and at an apparently too liberal microphone.

Bible classes in Ky public schools? Great! I wouldn’t expect any problems with that at all, since everybody always agrees about the Bible.

Grant the governor power to abolish the boards of state universities and other institutions? Why? And why is the bill marked EMERGENCY?

Probably it has nothing to do with the Koch brothers’ funding of business, economics and political science programs at state universities.

And probably the Koch brothers would not attempt to influence curriculum or faculty selection in those programs.

After all, not everything has to do with the Koch brothers.

Does it?

OK, so he’s not young. Steve Beshear made the case. And showed there are Kentuckians besides Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul. #DemResponse

Oh, those horrible Democrats they keep talking about on FOX! Shameful! Diabolical! Demonic, even! If I ever meet any like that in real life . . .

No whining, no crying. Concerned about the country and doing my part. So stop telling me to put on the big girl panties. I’m wearing them.

Them and my pussy hat.

And my Nasty Woman T-shirt.

“It’s very easy to be presidential,” Trump told a crowd in CT last year, and proceeded to do an imitation of himself acting presidential, a performance which bore a disturbing resemblance to his delivery before Congress. I have a nightmarish feeling we are living inside Donald Trump’s head, all part of some long, loud new reality show about a billionaire who becomes president in the biggest landslide election victory in history. “West Wing” meets “The Apprentice.” “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” meets “So You Think You Can Be President.”

Don’t know if I can do this. Hash tag makes me think about hash browns, twitter of Conway Twitty & the Twitty Birds, and actual birds.

Also “Bye Bye Birdie.” And if I were a bird I’d fly — if I knew what was good for me — somewhere with strong environmental regulations.

Anne Shelby, a novelist and storyteller, lives in Clay County.

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