How do we serve Aqua Buddha

Should we allow a temple to the Aqua Buddha to be built near the Vietnam Veterans' Memorial even though old A-B may not be the real true God and because all those pesky Viet Cong who thanked us for keeping them from going Commie by killing 60,000 of us were Buddhists?

If the voters of Kentucky decide they prefer a crazy guy to a mannequin, will Sen. Rand Paul finish off all his speeches by imploring Aqua Buddha to bless America?

I'm not sure we are ready for a person who pulled pranks in college.

Is the Aqua Buddha in a relationship? Are there three of him, like our three, called in the 1960s, Daddio, Junior and the Spook? Is Aqua Velva Mrs. God?

If we switch to A-B, will he call off hurricanes, not flood Pakistan and put autumn back into the seasons so we won't have to watch basketball in August and learn a new set of names?

The big question, other than if we should allow infidels to put up mosques, is whether there is a drug problem in Eastern Kentucky.

Well, there was, but now that everybody up here under 30 has overdosed, it may be over.

Paul, a certified eye doctor — certified by Grit Magazine — is both blind and insightful.

He was wrong in denying the drug problem, but right on target when he attacks the war on drugs.

In Amsterdam, where marijuana, hash and mushrooms are legal and the penalties for stronger stuff are even higher than ours, they have the lowest incidence of drug abuse in the non-Muslim world.

Legalization would save the government of Mexico and get the federal occupiers and their Sikorskis out of the mountains and into the Middle East where they belong.

As of now, they sell more home incarceration leg bands in the mountains than they do quarts of Miracle Whip.

If they legalized drugs and made getting SSI a crime, our chainsaws, our weed whackers and our catalytic converters would be safe. We would have a dramatic decrease in Crown Victorias.

Some of us prefer a candidate who doesn't know much about Eastern Kentucky and who is wrong about our problems to one who knows all about us and is still wrong.

Maybe if Randy ever flies over our region, he will look down and puke.

Actually, last week was used to promote and enhance the worst problem in the mountains, which is education — not the lack of it, but too much of it.

The schools have stolen our children and taught them everything except how to make food in their community. Call those of you who think education is overemphasized, the "Tsk Force."

Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney.