Op-Ed

Casinos in Ky.? Did Cain hit on Bachmann?

Tie Rod said that he is going to get himself some earthquake insurance, now that he knows how to start one. He wants to get in on the ground floor of fracking, and thinks he can inject as good as anybody, but Slemp asked him if he still had the hydraulics for something like that. Tie Rod said he had better just sell fracking insurance or go into the salty water business, or start the United Frackers union, grow him some eyebrows, and go around talking like John L.

Both worry about the Kentucky General Assembly, a unique body in that the leading lobbyists for some companies are actually in leadership positions. They do appreciate the courage the legislature showed in giving Rep. Keith Hall a good talking to, and telling him that if he ever again did all those illegal contracts they would be very disappointed in him.

Both expect laws which declare wind to be a mineral right and fracking to be necessary. The legislature and the mineral people have looked lately to Tie Rod and Slemp like two dogs unable to separate.

The Big 'E' flea-markets and in anticipation that the mob will win the gambling vote, went ahead and ordered out of China a large bill of goods which includes black shirt and white tie sets, pasties, G-strings and condoms which expand to show Monet scenes in pastel.

Tie Rod and Slemp are not sure whether colleges encourage ignorance or fight it, but they have been encouraged that we might get a state college in the mountains. Slemp wants to write the college slogan because he is afraid that we will end up with one as bad as Murray State's on KET. He wants ours to be in Hillbonics and suggests: "Pert Neert Perfect," or "You 'uns Come To See Us." We would let people pay their tuition with chickens or ginseng, or buckets of coal raked off a train.

All Eastern Kentucky really needs... is hard to say, but we will continue to pretend that politics has something to do with it and turn our minds to far away places like Iowa and New Hampshire which we let pick our leaders.

Tie Rod says that Mitt Romney is like those Rambler cars that his old man George Romney built. They look good for a while but do not wear well, and for sure do not get any better over time.

When it come out that Rick Santorum got beat by eight votes, Tie Rod brought up the late Clennon Jones, who got beat for constable one time by 10 votes and went up and down the holler the next day moaning and saying over and over, "Twenty dollars short. Twenty dollars short."

Tie Rod said that the rise of Santorum shows that Christians stick together, to which Slemp replied, "Yeah, that worries me too." Never mind that most of their religious neighbors believe that because Santorum is Catholic, he will probably go to hell, and if he does will Mormons be there?

They miss Herman Cain and wonder if he hit on Michele Bachmann, and how did she take it? They don't mind that Newt was married a lot, saying that is the sign of an optimist, but were surprised that it takes that much jewelry for an old man to get him a peroxide blonde.

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