I am afraid that the university system in this country played me for a fool during my matriculation as a student. Anti-evolutionary adherents' proclamation that evolution is suspect because it is only a theory has made me realize that everything is a bunch of theories. Now my life is in shambles.
For years, I thought that the sun was the center of the universe but now I doubt that, because that is merely a claim of the Copernican theory. Now I have no idea where the sun or Earth is. More disastrously, I live in fear of earthquakes because the theory of plate tectonics does not apply anymore.
And it gets worse. I am having a devil of a time keeping my feet on the ground because a belief in Newton's theory of gravitation was apparently the only thing that kept me grounded all this time. Now, everywhere I turn I have to dodge all the sticks, stones, buildings and so on that keep falling up because the theory is obviously not true. I cannot find the moon and I hear the tides have ceased altogether because that darned Newton deceived us into believing a theory.
Now I have a bad cold but I have no way of knowing how I got it. When I foolishly believed in the germ theory of disease, I could figure out where I got it, but not now. I am also not sure how it is making me sick because clearly the cell theory for organisms is a lie.
And get this. I cannot get insurance to cover my medical expenses, insure my life, car or home because all their rates are based on probability theory. All of the medicines that I use have lost their effectiveness because they were formulated based on the atomic and molecular theories of matter. I cannot inflate my tires to get to the doctor to get new medicines because tire inflation relies on the kinetic theory of gases. My acid reflux is completely out of control because none of the antacids work now since their action was governed by the Lewis acid-base theory.
Of course, it does not matter that the medicines do not work because the business models of supply and demand which underpin our economy rely on the theories of macro- and microeconomics and control and logistic theory for distribution of goods. And, the UPC pricing system collapsed because it only worked on coding theory.
All the electrical appliances in my house have stopped, since they depended on the theory of electromagnetism and the circuit theory. My house is growing shaky and unsightly since it was built using architectural theories.
I cannot find refuge in my iPod, because all of its songs are based on music theory. My speakers do not work because they are products of acoustics theory, so I cannot tell a woofer from a tweeter. My drawings look stupid because the theory of perspective is not valid, nor is color theory, which explains why when I mix blue and yellow paint now I get purple instead of green.
I can't escape this nightmare because all the streets and roads are based on graph theory but I guess I could now travel faster than the speed of light to get away since Einstein's theory of relativity is not in effect.
My world was much safer when I believed in all those theories. But as the antievolutionists have pointed out, my life was based on folly. On the other hand, maybe it is they who really do not understand how human knowledge is acquired or used to make sense of the world.
I could be wrong. It is just a theory.
Roger L. Guffey of Lexington is a retired high school teacher.