President Barack Obama was sitting alone in the oval office one night going over Slemp's tax return to see if everything was all right when he came across a tax deduction Slemp had claimed for contributions made to a group called the "Low T Society."
Low T sounded Rand Paulish, that is to say, a Paulished up Tea Party Lite, and those deductions would not be allowed for contributions to mainly political groups.
He had to find out some way whether to allow that deduction or not and it was late and his old lady was away at a place overrun by cops and soldiers which Mrs. Obama assumed would be in Eastern Kentucky, and which was close, but was not.
The only thing the president could think of to figure out if the Low T Society is political or not was to call up Slemp and find out, and he hated to do that late at night, but he finally told the White House operator to find Slemp, which she was able to do because the Justice Department had earlier subpoenaed all telephone records of anybody ever seen at a chicken fight.
Sign Up and Save
Get six months of free digital access to the Lexington Herald-Leader
She dialed up Slemp and told him the president of the United States was on the phone and Slemp asked if he could call him back after Game of Thrones went off. Which he did. Slemp was relieved at first that Obama wasn't calling to make him give up his guns.
Instead POTUS asked Slemp what was the purpose of Low T. Slemp said it was a group of people who met and talked about getting stimulated to be more warlike and screw somebody. "Sounds Republican," doodled the president on his sticky note.
"How did you find out about this organization?" was the next question. Slemp replied that he had seen an ad on Fox television about Low T. The president drew a little pointy-headed, pointy-eared critter on his sticky note and named it "Rupert." But the evidence was mounting.
The president asked Slemp to describe in detail what he hoped to accomplish fooling with his T, so Slemp goes into great detail in describing the amazing things he hoped to accomplish when he got his T up. It was about then the president realized that Slemp was talking porn and it was being recorded on the White House tape system to be played years hence by historians on PBS, and he concluded quickly that Low T wasn't a political creation of the junior senator from "Textucky".
So, when he got his confidence up, Slemp asked the president whether he could donate to the Ultra Liberal Progressive Socialist Leftist Society and not be questioned, and the president told him to go ahead because those liberal organizations were all talk and no action and nothing to worry about, and would sit by while the government murdered its citizens and seized the phone records of journalists and kidnapped foreigners to imprison them 11 years without charges and do nothing.
So they ended the conversation.
Canola Jane, in the kitchen watching Dancing With the Stars, had heard only the half of the conversation in which her husband described imaginative acts of sexual congress to somebody.
Later that night, in the dark, she casually asked him who he had been having phone sex with and when he tried to claim it was the president of the United States, she put one foot on his shoulder, one on his rump and evacuated him from the bed into the next precinct.
Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at firstname.lastname@example.org.