If Oprah beats Trump in the next presidential election to become only the second S. Hole-American to hold the office, and if he can cover his receding hair line with something orange, then the way will be cleared for Gov. Matt Bevin, Trump-Lite, to run for president.
And when he does, he can assert to the National Rifle Association that he abolished 70 programs in Kentucky just so that cops can have better guns.
It has become increasingly more difficult for police to shoot unarmed S. Hole-Americans in the back as they run with the outdated Glocks that we now provide law enforcement.
Better guns will allow us to employ police even less brave than those we now get. One-third of all shooting deaths in this country involving strangers occur when the police kill somebody, oftentimes for giving them a funny look, or for looking too Haitian. That is not only allowed by juries in the United States, it is encouraged. We wonder how the United States got so gun-dependent. That can be explained by degrees of cowardice.
Restricting immigration to Swedish women and other Aryans will reduce gun violence, but will result in too much herring. One reason we want more Norwegians and less Haitians is because a Haitian last week called the president of the United States “low class.” They should not be saying things like that.
But when you cut Africans out of immigration, basketball will suffer. Wildcat Wynyen Gabriel is so pretty to look at that you almost forget how undesirable such foreigners are supposed to be.
Bevin hopes to give social workers more pay, which they need, and more power, which they do not.
One of the great ongoing scandals in the public life of Kentucky is legal kidnapping of children by social workers, who now take children from their families because the house is too dirty or they don’t have a trampoline.
Taking children is easy. Reunifying them with their natural parents is not, and more and more social workers do not try. A mere accusation of sexual misconduct against daddy means loss of his family. If the mother of the child refuses to agree with the accusation, she is said to be unwilling to protect the child, and soon some infertile yuppies have acquired somebody else’s children by adoption.
The only reason Trump supposedly dealt with the Russians was to promote adoptions, so Bevin can build on that.
A good State of the Whatever address requires props. You have to give Bevin credit for his props. Beside him were some delightful kids and behind him was the Buddha-like face of Senator Robert Stivers who, being merely the president of the Senate, was asked after the speech to defend or explain stuff about which he had gotten no explanation.
How do we get more money? Maybe we ought to tax the real wealth, at least in the mountains.
The largest land owner in Pike County, with tens of thousands of acres worth tens of millions of dollars contributes more money annually to the Philadelphia Orchestra than it pays in property tax.
We ought to have a rule that for each dollar the coal industry puts into the political campaigns of its minions, an equal amount should go to local government. That would give more jobs to miners than posturing.
Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at firstname.lastname@example.org.