The State Department announced that Col. Moammar Gadhafi is buying out Kentucky Fried Chicken with the billions he stashed revolutionizing, and that he will be the new colonel on the chicken buckets, but that the buckets would have to be taller to get his hat in.
When asked about his promise to die in Libya, Gadhafi said that didn't count because he had his fingers crossed.
Clothing stores in Eastern Kentucky (this is obviously a joke because there aren't any) report that county judges from all over the region are ordering green robes adorned with the bodies of cleaned but unskinned game and big tall hats and dark sunglasses to wear while declaring that the people all love them.
Its hard to explain Island Creek, but I'll try. You can throw a rock from Island Creek to Pikeville, but until a bridge across the river got built rather late in the 20th century, you couldn't get there without marking trees or going through the Narries (rhymes with car), a perilous ledge on the side of a mountain above the river.
So Island Creek remained a place of delightful isolation — homespun, a virtual island of contemporary ancestors, to use Horace Kephart's phrase, "in a sea of pretense" known as Pikeville, where nothing is allowed to get old.
The old wisdom, passed down from generation to generation on Island Creek, was superior to education and very resistant to schooling. So Island Creek became a handy subject for local humor.
"What is an Island Creek credit card? A siphon hose."
"The water line into Island Creek shut down and nobody noticed for three days."
"The toothbrush was invented on Island Creek because if it had been anywhere else they would have named it the teethbrush."
As a young newspaper columnist, I used to be — believe it or not — irreverent.
Our best friends were a family from Island Creek whose young had attended the Island Creek Grade School until some different friends burned it down one night, as a matter of principle.
That was about the time President Ronald Reagan bombed Gadhafi's tent in the desert and killed the colonel's little girl. I wrote that to retaliate, Gadhafi had sneaked a crew here one night and rebuilt the Island Creek Grade School.
A bridge can ruin any community; Island Creek went on to become a subdivision and my friends of the school went on and got graduate degrees, but are still good with dogs.
Technology has been the bridge from the world of democracy to the young and old of the Middle East. Let's don't tell those poor souls that democracy is not working very well here, and let them go ahead and try it.
The question is this: With Egypt's Hosni Mubarak gone and with Gadhafi selling breasts and thighs, will Israel now have to face the considerable military strength which the Camp David Accord removed from the Mideast equation, allowing Israel to use its force to confiscate the land of others?
That peace treaty has never been followed by Israel, only Egypt. That treaty committed Israel to follow U.N. Resolutions 242 and 338, which prohibit acquisition of land by force and call for Israel's withdrawal from occupied territories.
Egypt was promised a settlement freeze during peace negotiations, but Prime Minister Begin apparently had his fingers crossed when he did so.
What would be tolerated by autocrats in the Middle East will not be tolerated by democratic majorities, nor should it be.
Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney.