On college campuses throughout the South, the Kappa Alphas went into hiding until their chants could be rewritten. Members of Sigma Alpha Epsilon were heading to Turkey in droves to join ISIS, wearing their little bow ties.
Fraternities at the University of Virginia were found not guilty because of exaggeration, and are now free to return to their former ways, which are apparently somewhere between purity and bus attacks in India.
The fraternity system is coming under fire across the country, but one must ask this fundamental question: Without fraternities or sororities, how will a college student feel superior to his or her fellow students? Be a vegan or something? Without fraternities, most of us would never have learned how to kick a hangover.
A few other thoughts:
Utah reinstated the firing squad, and droves of Second Amendment types, looking for that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to shoot somebody, signed up to fire. We need to do a Freedom of Information Act request and get the names of all those willing to kill people, so that they could be properly shunned.
Utah's action came to pass after the state ran out of medicine to kill people with. In Kentucky, the chosen method of execution used to be to make the condemned lie down in front of a glacier and be crushed to death in several million years, but that was before glacier-hastening climate change put us in search of humane ways to kill.
In Israel, Bibi Netanyahu was re-elected on a promise to put Arabs in ghettos and make them wear an 'A' on their chests, and to continue the 50-year occupation. His country was found to be spying on America, but that must be done before the Second Coming, so Sen. Ted Cruz will be all for it.
Cruz is the first Canadian to file for U.S. president, and is the ugliest candidate since 1952, but his hips are considerably smaller than the presumed Democratic nominee, about whom it was revealed recently that her primary means of communication as secretary of state was by picture postcard.
When Hillary Clinton wears those black sunglasses, she looks like somebody you would want to help cross an intersection because they had left their white stick and guide dog at home.
Jeb Bush must convince voters that the brother of the person who destroyed any semblance of peace in the world is fit to be president.
Back in Kentucky, Will T. Scott could soon announce that he will seek more attention to his campaign for governor by jumping into a flying airplane from the ground. Candidate Hal Heiner proved he is a good ole boy by wearing that brand new Carhartt coat. Rumors that ag commissioner James Comer is running for governor continue.
The General Assembly may next pass a bill which allows transgender children to go around behind the schoolhouse to do No. 1 or No. 2. They are not to be confused with tempgenders, who are born boys but who want to spend the year abroad.
I am glad the Wildcats' trip to Cleveland did not take an unfortunate turn. The police could have shot at least eight McDonald's All-Americans and called it self defense.
Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at firstname.lastname@example.org.