Terrorism of the tongue

Hats off to professor Roger Guffey. You can bet your sweet mint julep that his commentary has saved us average Joes by deciphering the Arab Muslims’ long simmering plot, as he put it, to bring about our nation’s Islamization and inflict painful Algebra problems on pimply faced students.

However, he fails to grasp the true extent of the scheme to infiltrate our native language. Agents of this plot lurk even in Lexington.

Telltale signs of their handiwork are all around, as I realized while reading the menu of one of Lexington’s leading restaurants, Azur Restaurant & Patio, and when I remembered that a Lexington Triple Crown winner was named War Admiral and had been fed only locally grown alfalfa.

Guffey’s call for a new Independence Day to throw off this yoke of multiculturalism, which strives to subvert our way of life, is spot on.

To gain our liberty, we must also create a cadre of Tongue Troopers.

Made up of platoons of Certified Word Police Officers, they would be empowered to issue grammar citations to those they see or hear causing crimes against our birthright language by using words of Arabic origin. Julep, average, cipher, azur, admiral and alfalfa are examples.

This story was originally published September 6, 2016 at 5:35 PM with the headline "Terrorism of the tongue."