Mysterious downtown disappearance

It has been reported that the historical military statues on the old Fayette County Courthouse lawn mysteriously disappeared overnight, and no one knows their whereabouts. Two possible suspects have emerged: The dreaded ISIS, or volunteer workers for Lexington-Fayette Urban County Government.

ISIS has likely claimed responsibility as they do for all despicable acts, but how could the ISIS mindset force its will on this over-educated, historically minded community? Surely the LFUCG would not have authorized a rogue set of volunteers to act on their behalf. What would the LFUCG have against century-old objects erected by the Commonwealth of Kentucky and the United Daughters of the Confederacy? As has been done in other cases of potential theft, the owners of the statues might offer sympathy to the perpetrators and not consider pressing charges if they return the objects to their rightful place on the old courthouse lawn, with no questions asked.

This is not fake news; I wish it were.

This story was originally published November 7, 2017 at 7:30 PM with the headline "Mysterious downtown disappearance."