To the leaders of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), the Group of Seven (G7), the European Union, the World Trade Organization (WTO) and Queen Elizabeth:
Let me apologize for the abhorrent behavior of our president on his recent European tour. He is conceited and obnoxious for starters, and his inarticulate, contradictory rhetoric has been an embarrassment for most of America. His disrespect and lack of decorum with you has caused disgust here at home. You have been our time-honored allies, often in times of great peril, and we can only hope that his term will be brief, hopefully shortened by impeachment.
In the meantime, we pray that you understand that most of America remains loyal to you and stands for honor, honesty and dignity. Rest assured that we shall return to these principles as soon as he is replaced.
John M. Fox