More options for fantasy tourism

Looking for a unique investment opportunity? I’m offering qualified investors the chance to strike it rich. For a mere $100,000, you can be part of Kentucky’s newest and best tourist attractions: the Alien Museum and the Civil War Museum.

Like the Creation Museum, Kentucky Speedway and the Ark, my museums will sucker/permit Kentucky taxpayers to provide much of the funding. The state can upgrade the roads, provide tax breaks, put up signs, train employees, etc., all in the name of the free market. (Free for some of us at least.) We’ll just sit back and watch the cash roll in.

Following tradition, my museums will mostly rely on fantasy, mythology and hearsay, but the rubes won’t know the difference. The Alien Museum will feature live aliens, caged up like zoo animals, and UFO rides.

The Civil War Museum will clearly illustrate, in an authentic simulated scientific manner, how the South actually won the Civil War. We’ll have re-enactments of Lincoln surrendering to Lee on the White House steps and Sherman being hung in the streets of Atlanta. A rebel-flag-lined corridor along Interstate 75 will show everyone the way.

Employment will require belief in alien visitation and allegiance to the southern archetype.

This story was originally published May 6, 2016 at 6:57 PM with the headline "More options for fantasy tourism."