Voting for return to days when Muslim was a cotton cloth

The United States got its you-know-what grabbed by a star.

Once, a young woman was in my office cashing a check for $35,000 paid to her in settlement by a local dentist who had grabbed her breast. My elderly and virtuous secretary said that he could grab her breast any day of the week for $35,000. Is grabbing more tolerable than we presumed?

Donald Trump advanced the cause of quasi-rape. In Kentucky, a gentle candidate advanced a different kind of love, a kind long condemned unjustly, while from the shadows watching sexual assault be tolerated.

Women’s contempt for other women is well known to the legal profession. If you defend a person charged with sexual assault of a female, you want mainly women on the jury. Women did not overwhelming vote for Hillary Clinton, and will not vote for the next woman who runs, unless they amend the Bible. Some say this is because the place of women at the table has been so small that their evolutionary skills compelled them to battle other women. Evolution will be repealed under Trump.

If women were not allowed to vote, but were allowed to run for office and only men could vote, then probably all presidents would be women.

Maybe voters held it against the Clintons that they came out of Arkansas poor, and had to cozy up to the rich to be rich, which you must be to run for president. You have to stay in state government a while to become a millionaire off a public salary, so Hill and Bill ran with the big dogs and soaked those Trump-types who were trying to buy their way into the prom. That, and the tall FBI guy who personally delivered this country to an idiot, and thereby made J. Edgar seem benign, got her beat.

The real problem with people not liking Clinton is that she is a lawyer through-and-through. She acts like a defense attorney, covering all her bases, stonewalling what people find out, bending the rules and losing, in the end.

Back in the ’70s, Johnny Coleman and Shorty Rasnick were both ardent Republicans, so they were always getting beat in the election. The morning after every election, they would walk up and down the streets of Pikeville like a comedy team.

Johnny, a tall banker, would find a few people on the street and say loudly to Shorty: “How do you feel Shorty?” To which Shorty — short, as you might have guessed — in a loud and gravelly voiced would boom back: “I feel like Lazarus. Got licked by the dogs!” They would move on to the next gaggle of people and repeat the routine.

Will democracy and capitalism collapse about the same time? It’s not out of the question, and something Trumpies do not think about. They are not thinking far ahead, or at all.

They voted for change, but changing back to the times when blacks, which they do not call that, knew their place and you could shoot them, Mexicans and Chinese served either the Amos McCoy family or the Cartwrights, and Muslim was a thin cotton cloth.

With Trump elected, world peace is there for us to take.

Unless he is brought down by hubris, which he has towers of. Everybody wants to be at the top. Our Lexington grandson Nate, six, was picked to be the top angel in the Christmas play and Cheryl wanted to let him know we were proud.

She asked Nate, “How do you get to be the main angel?” To which Nate matter-of-factly replied, “I wanted to be God.”

This story was originally published November 19, 2016 at 3:34 PM with the headline "Voting for return to days when Muslim was a cotton cloth."