Channeling a marching wife’s vitriol toward a lying braggart

That which needn’t have happened, did. The have-nots will have to yield up, and it’s about time they did.

Wife Cheryl was dozing in my recliner, tired from marching with the women. Cheryl is a fierce politician, but doesn’t march but about every 30 years or so. At Cheryl’s march, former Kentucky first lady Judi Patton announced that all the real men were there, which excluded her Alpha, who wasn’t.

Paybacks are, well, you know.

So in I come and have to pass the kindling box, on whose sticks and an old shredded quilt reposed Gypsy the Cat, not exactly our cat but one we sort of stole from a neighbor by loving her so much that she didn’t want to go back home.

So I run in and, as Cheryl was waking up, excitedly declared that our cat was out there wearing a red “Make America Great Again” cap. “Is she?” Cheryl asked incredulously.

I had a special relationship with an ancient mountain woman who used to say about us, “Larry, you and me is one of a kind.”

When it comes to politics, I was in succession a Democrat, a Republican and an Independent, and Cheryl took the same path but is currently a Democrat. When it comes to our political thinking, we are one of a kind.

She got so mad over stuff she sat down and wrote out some classic vitriol and told me if I ever expected to get another fried potato, she had better see that stuff in the paper.

She began: Nothing smells worse than cat pee, especially when it is sprayed on another’s territory. The pussy cats shut little bird’s tweet for a while until he went to the CIA and started singing ... his own praises.

She was right there. People don’t mind liars, because they are entertaining and bring hope. But there is nothing more tiring than a braggart.

Then she lit into his first few hours on the job: his delay of a voting rights case; his raising, by pen stroke, FHA homeowners mortgages by $500 a month; taking away health care from families who were for the first time recently able to get it; nominees who are ignorant of, or opposed to, the department they will lead; an education secretary who ruined the Detroit public school system.

You get Cheryl started and she gets pretty good. We are big John Lewis fans. She declared that if there were any justice in America, Lewis would be president. She doubts that Trump even knows about Lewis marching and being beaten to gain to his race rights more equal to those white people had.

Trump is not fit to tie his shoes. That’s me, saying that.

What it is all about is over-peeing, the traditional way that Alphas mark to show their dominance. Some say that Trump was over-peeing Russia, or over in Russia peeing, or merely watching others over-pee?

The CIA will find it out, if they have enough sense.

During my lifetime, it came to pass that you could say or write “peeing,” and that’s good. It is so much easier on the ears than the word it largely replaced, which sounds like what it describes and there is a name for that kind of word, but I can’t think of it.

A good example of the kind of word I am thinking of is the “f” word for flatulence, another recently allowed into common discourse.

If we make America great again, will we lose our rights to those good words?

This story was originally published January 27, 2017 at 4:38 PM with the headline "Channeling a marching wife’s vitriol toward a lying braggart."