War on coal over; hoping to survive the disasters

Larry Webster
Larry Webster

Some people get ready to die by adjusting their relationship with the Great Perhaps, buying into the myth of a carefree place where everything is gold (with a touch of jasper white for contrast) and everybody sings hymns and there is bipartisanship, but it will be mainly Republican.

I am trying to get ready to die by learning how to play “Sal’s Got Mud Between Her Toes” on the banjo. I am edging closer to both and am afraid for either to happen.

But there are reasons to try and stay alive now. The government has unconditionally surrendered in the “war on coal,” pushing the United States down to 10 to 3 when it comes to winning wars. It seems that we have waited too late to do anything about global warming and have decided to just let ’er rip and burn that carbon until Hazard once again looks like London did to Jack the Ripper.

Mine every lump. Burn baby burn. Turn on all the lights.

They about had to make that announcement about turning coal-powered generating plants loose to do whatever they want in Hazard. Nowhere else is safe. California is on fire from drought caused by the rise in the temperature of the ocean. Texas and Florida and Puerto Rico are underwater and homeless from hurricanes caused by the rise in the temperature of the ocean. The primary source of good jobs for mid-level coal company people who lost work is hurricane-claims adjusting.

So EPA Destructor Scott Pruitt could probably feel safe coming to Hazard as long as he doesn’t hurt his back and get a prescription. There he was, announcing a major change in the environmental policy of the nation and advertising Whayne Supply at the same time. Caterpillar is now the official bulldozer of the Trump administration, and the rest of the country can wonder why Whayne Supply keeps that extra “h.”

When you have a bumpstock president, there is plenty reason to stay alive and see what happens next. Bumpstock, because one firing leads quickly to another before he has had time to aim. He is noted for firing. Will he be noted as the first president who does not fire a Cabinet member who called him a moron? If Trump and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson have a battle of wits, will the president show up unarmed?

We don’t learn much from mass murder, but we did learn what a bumpstock is. The fact is, there never was a mass murder at a Ralph Stanley concert. That guy might have gotten one fan, but some country boy who never heard of Jason Aldean would have blown his head off before he got No. 2.

Why did that guy do calculations and math and figure trajectory and angle and then kill 58? He is not a terrorist for foreign enemies. He was a gun collector. If a person spends his life collecting power tools, one day he will want to build something. Gun collectors need to shoot to be fulfilled.

I also want to stay alive long enough to find out just how much of Harvey Weinstein’s body Kentucky’s pretty secretary of state had to look at to get campaign money.

I want to stay alive to see if I am forced to vote for Mitch McConnell. There are plenty of good reasons to vote against him, but if he is going to get beat because he is not Trumpish enough, then we progressives will march for him.

Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at websterlawrencer@bellsouth.net.