Scapegoat par excellence

I had some expensive medical procedures in June, but local hospitals graciously allowed me to arrange for monthly payments. All of my payments were on time so I was surprised to receive a letter threatening me with a collection agency referral.

After calming down, I called the hospital and the person who took my call confirmed they had received three $100 payments. So I asked why did I get a letter threatening me with a collection agency.

Wait for it.

The computer did it.

Since I had not set up an official repayment plan, the computer labeled me delinquent and sent me a letter, even though all my payments had been received on time.

The computer has become the scapegoat par excellence. Consider these real life examples.

In 2006, a single typo cost New York City Schools $1.2 million.

The computer did it.

In 2005, a Japanese securities firm lost $340 million because of a simple error.

The computer did it.

In 2007, a promotional scheme by a car dealership in Roswell, N.M. went awry and the ad firm made every ticket worth $1,000, costing the company $50 million.

The computer did it.

A travel agency in California advertised exotic destinations, but the phone book printed it as erotic destinations costing the agency $10 million in damages.

The computer did it.

In 1998, NASA lost a $125 million satellite that burned up as it crashed into Mars because one team forgot to tell the computer to convert calculations from imperial units to metric units.

The computer did it.

In 1996, Europe’s satellite launching rocket, the Ariane 5, had to self-destruct 36 seconds into its flight because an uncaught error tried to cram a 64 bit number into a 16 bit space. The rocket cost $8 billion to develop and had a $500 million payload.

The computer did it.

In 2003 a computer in St. Mary’s Medical Center in Grand Rapids, Mich., mistakenly listed 8,500 patients as dead and contacted Social Security, life insurance agencies and even the patients themselves about their unfortunate demises.

The computer did it.

In 1983, a Soviet Air Defense officer may have saved us from WWIII when the Soviet nuclear early warning erroneously detected an incoming American nuclear attack.

The computer did it.

In 1994, an error in an Intel Pentium processor caused mistakes in long division forcing the company to make costly amends.

The computer did it.

In 2012, when Apple Maps was launched as an alternative to Google Maps, its navigation system sent drivers on wild goose chases because of data input errors.

The computer did it.

In 2011, a computer in the California Penal System released 450 violent offenders without parole.

The computer did it.

And finally, a timing error in a Patriot Missile System caused the defense system to fail to intercept incoming SCUD missiles and 28 servicemen died in the attack.

The computer did it.

If computers were around, I am sure the serpent in the Garden of Eden would have used the same excuse.

The computer did it.

Everywhere I turn I see serious problems in the world, so last night I asked God why there was so much pain, suffering, war and injustice in the world and he said, “Don’t blame me. The computer did it.”

A science-fiction story tells that one day scientists interfaced all the computers in the world into a gigantic parallel processor that could answer the most difficult questions in nanoseconds. So then they asked the computer: Is there a God?

The computer chunked data for a few minutes before spitting out the answer: There is now.

Why do I not find comfort in that?

This story was originally published November 14, 2017 at 12:32 PM with the headline "Scapegoat par excellence."