Op-Ed

Babes in Old Boyland will put the squeeze on

Democratic House candidate Sharice Davids spoke to supporters at a victory party Tuesday night in Olathe, Kan. One of two Native American women elected in the midterms. Davids defeated Republican incumbent Kevin Yoder.
Democratic House candidate Sharice Davids spoke to supporters at a victory party Tuesday night in Olathe, Kan. One of two Native American women elected in the midterms. Davids defeated Republican incumbent Kevin Yoder. Associated Press

“Dames” is a semi-archaic term for women which has been supplanted by the more modern “babes.” We will use that term and others equally questionable for women to the same purpose that the lynching museum explains our history, and to preserve American language of the 20th century.

The election is over and the sisters across America all got together and grabbed the most famous crotch since John Holmes and are now going to start squeezing. Unless of course the reports of a House takeover were “fake news.”

The new Congress will include two Native American women, as well as two Muslim women. The latter were elected from way up North and if it weren’t for that I would like to go and live in a place willing to elect a Muslim woman. But, two is probably enough.

So what is so wrong with Nancy Pelosi? She is about to be the American who served as speaker of the House the most times. On one of her other times the Congress passed Obamacare — no small accomplishment — which forced successful Republicans in last Tuesday’s election to have to lie, something most were reluctant to do any more than they had to.

Not that we aging misogynists would ever judge a woman by her looks, but Pelosi, old enough to be Paul Ryan’s mamaw, remains a babe and mainly wears her own hair. Some people say that’s not Donald Trump’s hair, but right inside the wig, there is a label which plainly says “Property of Donald Trump.” But sadly, Pelosi has about run out of face to lift.

If you like stridence — and who doesn’t? — then we have Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who claimed squawhood and proved a very little of it and who is now running for president with a chip on her shoulder from not being allowed to run the consumer agency she created, such that she sometimes sounds like a dominatrix.

The girl vote may be split between Warren, that senator from New York whose first name starts with “Kristen,” and that woman senator from California with another funny name.

The dames will have to contend with the fossilized Joe Biden, too dull for even Bath County, who is younger than his teeth and older than his hair, which was brought on and looks like rows on a brush. Old Joe who has been running for president over 40 years, and Democrats seem to like old familiar yet uninspiring faces.

If we are going with some really old guy to beat Trump, why not Gov. Jerry Brown of California, who wears his own hair, but not much of it? Why nominate a man? Because women who still use their husband’s last names do not favor women candidates. Don’t ask me why, or anything else about the sisters.

But we want to thank them for what they’ve done. There are now over 100 of them in Congress at one level or another. That means that sexual assault will be less popular, that fewer coat hangers will be used to terminate pregnancies, and maybe even that children will not be torn away from their parents for being in a caravan.

Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at websterlawrencer@bellsouth.net.

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