What to throw at a shooter? Who needs the other more: Trump or reporters?

In order to keep from being shot, Tie Rod and Slemp have come up with certain rules and guidelines.

They no longer will go to a nightclub, to church, to a grocery, to a concert and certainly not to a school.

If they do go anywhere at all, they load themselves up with stuff to throw at the shooter, having heard that school kids are being taught, that if somebody starts shooting at them, to throw stuff at him, or hide behind another kid.

What does a thoughtful parent put in a backpack for their third grader to throw at an assault rifle?

Apples throw well, but bananas are tricky and will sometimes return like a boomerang. Throwing a cell phone is also problematic in that they will sail on a kid and maybe hit the math teacher and not hit the assaulter.

“Him” is accurate, so far. Women have come a long way, but we draw the line and do not allow them to mass murder people. Plus, most crowd shooters seem to do so because of perceived slights and rejection by women.

Tie Rod and Slemp think the #MeToo movement will only make things worse, in that nowadays a man has to have a notarized consent form from a woman before smiling at her, and that will further frustrate horny weirdos.

Tie Rod recommends prostitutes hired by the school board and available to kids regardless of economic status, but Slemp thinks that would violate Title IX, if you didn’t provide them for girls, too.

And most women are simply unable to carry the hundreds of pounds of guns and ammo and clips and the other stuff necessary to pull off a successful mass shooting. That’s probably why a lot of the shooters are former soldiers. They not only have the muscle to carry all those assault rifles and bullets (veterans call them “rounds”), they have been trained in how to shoot fast, reload fast and die right after that. As they age, a few must see those skills getting rusty, and there is nothing like a massacre to apply what you have learned.

And, gun lovers now have an overabundance of weaponry, as a result of record gun sales during the Obama years, it appearing sensible to the ordinary gun nut to arm himself heavily against a black president with a Muslim middle name. Well, not real black, but shaded more like those millions of terrorists marching from Central America because NAFTA did not work for them, or because the war on drugs put them in danger in the barrio on their side of the razor wire.

The new trend is for the media not to mention the name of the mass shooter, and that allows Trumpers to assume they have Muslim names, and are not soldiers, or us.

If that tactic works, Tie Rod and Slemp hope that the concept will extend to the presidency. Could America and its institutions be saved from Donald Trump if television would not use his name, and ignore his rallies or not show him insulting reporters?

Does the president need reporters to insult and threaten more than they need him?