The big issue in the next Presidential election campaign, which officially opened a few minutes after the Inauguration, is Run Off. “Run” is the word in the English language with the most definitions in the dictionary, or it was when I heard this and there were 59 different definitions then. It can mean whatever you want it to. “Off” has fewer definitions but one of them is like to be off in the head.
Run Off to resprouting Democrats means trying to get back those voters who “runn offt” to Trump the last time, like Mrs. Hogwaller. This mainly involves getting them to change channels.
So Moscow and its local helpers will stand guard to keep the Fox in the henhouse. And if Russia doesn’t stop campaigning in American elections in the next few years, our President is going to give them a good talking-to.
Run Off to candidates means trying to get in one by surviving until the next debate, which involves using any question in the world you are asked in a debate to start your 4-H Speech. I suspect that the first Democrat who actually answers a question on a debate will emerge as a frontrunner. And maybe that babe woman we never heard of who sits on the fringes of both her party and the debate stage and lashes out Trumpily. At the moment I can’t remember her name but maybe we will see her again in September.
Run Off to red-staters has a different meaning, sort of like the word “great.” To whites who aspire to become white trash, Run Off means getting rid of everybody who might discolor our race, or violate the First Commandment by having other gods before our main one, or who just do not look enough like Betty Crocker or Ben Cartwright.
Our Senator Randy, mocked by our President once for standing too far out in a Presidential Debate, is wanting to send people back to Africa and we have a proposition for him. We will all pitch in to send what’s her name back to Somalia if he will go back to Texas, and maybe run against Ted Cruz.
But deciding who to run off from America will require some policy making, which is how Sen. McConnell described his assistance to a foreign enemy. Just how far back do you go? Do you run off people born here and who talk regular but whose family came from darkest Africa? Can we go back enough generations to put the Drumpf family back in Germany?
We will have to appoint a Run Off Czar. I just don’t think the President will have time to pick out each and every American citizen to send away by himself. A good Run Off Czar could round them up quicker and could really help in voter suppression. You will need voter suppression. There are simply a lot more undesirables than those four women and you can’t catch them all.
Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney, at firstname.lastname@example.org.