2020 visions from the mountains: Enjoying the planet in the time it has left
A twenty-twenty vision. Two things we must have are vision and closure. Vision means dreams in your head and nobody knows what closure means. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who demand closure...
Decades are going by like pinwheels, and uh oh, here comes another one. It is vision time again and we seers have dreams in our head and predict for you some of the great things coming up in the Uproarin’ Twenties. It’s not all bad.
The first good sign is that evangelical Christianity is destroying itself by worshiping an idol. Evangelicals have long claimed the moral and ethical high ground, wrongly, but in the next ten years will have convinced anybody with either created or evolved brain that you better stay out of the church if you want the government to see that the poor, even poor we don’t like, are fed and that the ocean don’t rise so high that the twin cities of Rowdy and Dwarf are seaside properties.
The most exciting thing that will happen in the 2020’s is that along about June of 2026 science will announce that it is too late to stop the warming of the earth and there is no use to try and we might as well just burn coal, cut the trees, and just try to enjoy the planet as long as it lasts, but to stay the hell out of Daytona. We will need some quick laws banning any of those millions and millions of people from Bangladesh from moving here when their country goes down like Atlantis. They would probably be Democrats and have a different god. We could go back to using the light bulbs that Edison invented.
The most important thing is sex and some major changes are being predicted. The current decade started out kind of normal, that is to say, with men taking advantage of women, and ended up with men taking advantage of women, but with only billionaires and royalty privileged to orgies. In a development this past decade, right at the end, a guy married to another guy had a decent chance running for President. Who would think?
By 2027, I predict all acts of sex, marital or martial, will be reduced to contract, which, by law can contain language making your mother-in-law the arbitrator. You will, fortunately, be able to go on-line, unless your equipment breaks down and get Denial/Consent forms for submission to your proposed partner, with varying degrees of response, all the way from “Go away from me you bug-eyed fool, you must be out of your head” to “reluctance” to porn star assent. A Notary is recommended.
By 2024 voice recognition technology will be able to tell which country singers are drawl-fakers, and cast them out and then the boys from up and down Route 23 will bust charts for another ten years like they did the last ten.
By 2029, I will have learned how to clawhammer “Sal’s Got Mud Between Her Toes.”
Reach Larry Webster, a Pikeville attorney at websterlawrence@bellsouth.net.
