Trump is using an old mountain way of counting: ‘Many a time’ of voter fraud.
Trump feels like Lazarus; he got licked by the dogs. Why doesn’t Biden just do the right thing and admit he stole the election by five million votes and go ahead and let Trump stay in office? It would save a lot of lawsuits, including the big one that Trump is going to file against Russia for breach of contract. A deal is a deal and Russia had an obligation to hand Trump another election. Guiliani will get them for that. As the late M.L. Johnson used to say, Trump will sue Russia for the “worth” of them. If Putin don’t poison him first.
Our sitting President is the world’s foremost authority. One of his specialties is law. It takes a legal genius to announce before something happens, like, say, an election, how it is going to go wrong and how Amy and the Supremes would be there to correct it.
The legal challenges to the election issuing from the Trump bunch are based on the old mountain way of counting, called the “Many a Time Theory.” It goes like this. In the mountains if somebody claims that something happened “many a time,” like the county judge coming for supper, or Ralph Stanley stopping by, “many a time” usually means once, or never. This theory of mathematics allows you to multiply as much as you want. So Trump will claim that ‘many a time’ there was an illegal vote in Pennsylvania, many being enough to kill fifty thousand votes. If he can get that argument to stand in four states, he, who is trying to steal the election, can quit accusing the winner of trying to steal it. In Nevada, where odds, statistics, numerical probabilities and bare breasts are the stock in trade, ‘many a time’ may seem a little vague.
Time magazine announced that its Person of the Year is going to be the President of Ukraine, whose name we can no longer remember, but who could not, as John Prine would phrase it, “be boughten.” If Biden is allowed to take the office to which he has been elected, he will have access on Day One to the actual conversation Trump was impeached for and maybe we can hear it.
But we are glad for the safety net. We hope that President Trump is fully covered under federal Workers’ Compensation, because he is expected to wear out his right arm using that black felt pen to pardon people, starting with himself. We await the pardon list with baited breath. Most names on there we will recognize and know why Trump wants them pardoned. If that pardon list contains names like Barr, Pompeo, or Graham, we’ll be left to wonder what they are being pardoned for.
Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney.