Take it from me, taking COVID-19 seriously is not ‘living in fear.’
Corona Chronicles day 168:
I have an appointment with the rheumatologist tomorrow early to see why my inflammatory markers are still so high.
I’m going to be honest: I’m tired. I came home from work yesterday, just spent. I went to ‘take a nap’ when I got home and slept through the night. I have appointments to see a pulmonologist to see why I’m still needing to use my inhaler. I woke up in the middle of the night last night, felt weird, disoriented. Checked my oxygen: 89 percent. It should be 95-100 percent.
I need to schedule an appointment with a neurologist; the brain fog is thick some days. Yesterday I was working on service plans when the extreme exhaustion hit. It just saps me mentally and physically.
I’m tired. I do feel more myself in these spurts, but I’m so thrilled when I feel that window that I overdue it.
And seeing COVID-19 raging is just so difficult. And I’m losing patience frankly, with how I see people refusing, downplaying, reacting, commenting, acting like those of us who are taking this seriously are just “fear mongering.” It is becoming more difficult for me to “bite my tongue.” I have friends who are pastors getting blasted for having virtual church...accused of “living in fear.” Taking COVID-19 seriously IS NOT LIVING IN FEAR.
It’s living in reality. COVID-19 kills people. More than 300,000 people have died. Are you really going to look at the grieving mother, father, son, daughter, spouse and tell them that they are living in fear? Are you really going to tell the doctors and nurses who spend all day sweating in PPE, intubating people, watching patient after patient spiral that they are living in fear?
Do schools need to be open? Absolutely. But we forfeited that right months ago when we refused to do simple things that needed to be done. When we insisted on having the world continue to run as it had before. When gathering in person in worship became more important than caring with the love of Christ for the people you unknowingly infected that next week.
The worst part is this sense of being gaslighted. And then reading news and actual statements from government officials who actually DID gaslight us. I try to find some levity and jokingly say of course they wanted to use us for some weird ‘herd’ experiment. But can you imagine how it must feel for the 300,000 families who are grieving? For the medical professionals who are absolutely WEEPING at getting the vaccine? For the teachers who are struggling, the students who are falling through the cracks, the parents wondering where their next meal will come?
Y’all, I don’t want to hear the arguments about mortality or the flu or any other words that downplay what we are experiencing. I’m done with that. It’s dismissive and it’s insulting. And anyone who speaks at this point should only do so against the backdrop of 300,000 fresh graves and the strained faces of doctors and nurses.
I don’t want to post anymore about what day 176 or 185 looks like. I just want you all to please be safe. Wear a mask. Socially distance. Think about how this virus spreads and do what you need to do. I know I am not alone when I say it goes way beyond Corona fatigue at this point for me. It’s righteous indignation. I am so tired of watching, hearing, seeing others give no regard for others. I’m at the point where if this irritates you, you have my blessing to unfriend me. Because the time for mincing words and spinning narratives is long gone. It actually should have been gone 300,000 people ago.
Tiffany Hollums is a former student at Asbury Theological Seminary who is now an ordained United Methodist deacon and case manager for foster children in Austin, TX.