Our children are grieving. Now Kentucky has a way to help them.

Kentucky ranks #5 in the nation in childhood bereavement. One in 10 children in the commonwealth will lose a parent or sibling before they turn 18. What that means is that our schools, churches, youth sports teams, and local communities are filled with children who are grieving. But before Covid, the words “loss” and “grief” were words we hardly uttered publicly, especially in the context of children.

Covid has changed the conversation. Headlines from recent studies in the journal Pediatrics indicate that for every four Covid-related deaths, one child will lose a parent or grandparent caregiver. Parental death rates will rise between 17-20%, with bereavement for youth of color rising a staggering 30%. These numbers do not even include other significant losses for children, ranging from deaths of relatives, other important adults, and, yes, even their peers.

Despite this data and the magnitude of the situation in Kentucky, our state has been one of only three states in the country without an organization fully dedicated to the support of grieving children and their caregivers. Thankfully, the commonwealth now has the Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families (KCGCF), a nonprofit whose programming is modeled on that of more than 125 youth bereavement centers operating across the country.

Unsupported grief has huge emotional, educational, mental, and behavioral health impacts on children and teens. Nearly 20% of bereaved children are suspended, expelled, or repeat a grade in school. Loss often ignites risk-taking behaviors in teens, such as experimentation with drugs and alcohol. The effects of loss follow these children into adulthood. Adults ages 35-44 who lost a parent before the age of 19 are 35% more likely to suffer from poor physical health outcomes.

Grief is a normal, natural reaction to loss. Grief, however, does not follow a schedule, and the emotions and triggers that accompany it are unpredictable. It can look different from person to person, child to child. And it can take a long time to feel less raw and devastating.

Our world has not been designed to be grief sensitive. Crowded school hallways and large gatherings can trigger severe anxiety. Grieving children receive messages that they should “get over” their loss mere weeks or months after a death. They struggle to concentrate or sit still because their developing brains are doing the all-consuming work of grief—adjusting to a world that looks and feels very different from their pre-loss world.

In response to this, the KCGCF now runs in-school grief support groups in eight sites in Fayette County Public Schools in conjunction with FRYSCs. In these accepting student spaces, children and teens find peer support and a healing atmosphere. They can talk about the deaths of parents and other important individuals who have died from overdose, cancer, homicide, accidents, and heart attacks. They can safely acknowledge the anxiety, depression, and other difficult feelings stuck in their minds and bodies.

Children in Kentucky have long needed these services, and Covid has helped spotlight that need. The death loss is even greater in rural areas as the opioid epidemic and high suicide rates among small farmers further devastate families. Now is the time for school districts, city and state government, and state agencies to invest in programming and services for our many grieving children. We cannot take away these children’s losses, but quality grief care can help our young people build productive and forward-looking lives.

Nov. 18 is Children’s Grief Awareness Day. Reach out to a child and family who is grieving and listen to whatever they feel like talking about. Time, acceptance, and a sympathetic ear are often the greatest gifts those in grief can receive.

Learn more about how you can support grieving families and what community and national grief resources are available at our website, www.kcgcf.org.

Leila Salisbury is the founding director of The Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families. Contact her at kychildrengrieve@gmail.com.

This story was originally published November 11, 2021 at 3:09 PM.