Ignorance is bliss: Society’s decision to ignore sexual assault impacts survivors.
My name is Elise Basil, and I endured third-degree sexual abuse for the first time in June 2020 by a student at the University of Kentucky. As a result, I became depressed and addled. I wanted to talk about what happened, but when I did, people would say, “It sounds like you were raped.” I tried to hide my experience, to suppress the memory, but my brain does not work like that. Therefore, I must work daily to face what is true to me because many questions in my mind go unanswered.
Living in denial, I lied to myself about being raped. It wasn’t until I was explicitly told “you were raped.” Then I finally accepted the fact. Unfortunately, finding out what formally happened to me did not fix the problem. Instead, I shifted from depressed and addled to traumatized and unhinged.
Everybody is different, and everyone experiences things differently. Unfortunately, my experience has had a profound impact on my life. I understand others have gone through experiences such as mine and have had far less impact on their day-to-day lives. You can’t predict the effect or trauma inflicted on others. Therefore, people need to become more aware and accountable for their actions.
Sex does not exist without desire; wanting, willing, and able. Since I lacked wanting and willingness, I was in no position to consent. That leads to the guilt I hold to this day. I can’t ask the questions I want answers to, so I tell myself that what happened wasn’t malicious. It was just a miscommunication and lack of awareness. They probably didn’t know I was miserable. For all I know, he was just as dissociated as I.
Of the victim, perpetrator, and bystander, only one is responsible. Please help raise awareness to ameliorate the ubiquity of sexual assault. Unfortunately, it is normalized to reject the existence of sexual assault. Therefore, people opt not to discuss it or acknowledge rape simply because it makes them uncomfortable. What about the discomfort of the survivor?
Learning to intervene as a bystander by calling for help or translating that someone lacks interest is a great way to prevent rape. Not all sexual assault and rape hold malicious intent. The shift from “we” to “me” is not to harm the victim but to service the predator. It is the responsibility of the participating parties to communicate their wants and needs.
The national sexual assault hotline RAINN 1-800-656-4673 and the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255 have been valuable resources for me. For those in the Lexington community that seek support, Ampersand Sexual Violence Resource Center is a regional organization with an online support group that meets on Mondays at 7 p.m. I don’t always use these resources, and they do not always help me. However, having options has a significant role in my recovery. These resources are free of cost and commitment. For students at the University of Kentucky, the Violence Intervention and Prevention Center and the Office of Institutional Equity and Equal Opportunity did what they could to help me. As grateful as I am that these resources exist, I wish fewer people needed to utilize them.
Moreover, a student organization at the University of Kentucky agreed to sponsor an event, allowing me to share my story with the greater Lexington community. Unfortunately, two days before the event was scheduled, the organizers decided it was not their priority. Instead, they exemplified how society treats sexual assault cases. Once again defeated by association, I am nevertheless proud of the effort I have put forth this past month. It’s not my fault the event didn’t occur, and it’s not my fault that I was assaulted.
I am writing a memoir to share my personal experience, reflect on my past, and help others avoid the mistakes that I have made. In addition, I am learning to be a better person and advocating for myself.
Elise Basil is adopted from China, graduated from Henry Clay High School in 2019, and locally uses he/him pronouns.
This story was originally published May 11, 2022 at 12:31 PM.