KY children are suffering an epidemic of grief. We can help them | Opinion

We think of November as the start of the season of family, with gatherings, shared meals, traditions, and connection. For one in nine Kentucky children, however, this is also a season where they are particularly reminded of those important people who are no longer with them.

This year, the Kentucky legislature designated the month of November as Grieving Children and Families Month for the commonwealth. It is an important acknowledgment of the tens of thousands of young people in Kentucky who live and struggle with the death of a parent, sibling, guardian, peer, and other important person.

As our organization so often talks about in trainings and presentations, grief is not solely a response to a death. Grief can be broadly experienced, a host of emotions from sadness to anger to disappointment about a wide range of circumstances: parental separation, divorce, placement in foster or kinship care, loss of jobs or relationships, moving away from friends, changing schools or homes. We struggle with the big and hard changes in our lives that we did not ask for. That grief, too, is real.

I have been at the work of supporting grieving children and their families for five years now. What I have learned is that grief is one of the most common root experiences leading to substance use, juvenile justice involvement, lower educational performance and outcomes, suicide risk, mental health challenges, and even early death.

These issues are all the focus of significant prevention and treatment work in government agencies, schools, nonprofits, and prevention programs across the state. But if we do not build better awareness of and practical supports for grief and its outcomes into this work, we are missing a significant piece of what will truly begin to improve the trajectories of these children and families.

I deeply appreciate the state’s designation of Grieving Children and Families Month for many reasons, but in great part because it names something we have such a hard time talking about. Grief is one of our most common and connective human experiences. Yet we are afraid to have these deeper conversations with those who are grieving, afraid that we’ll say the wrong thing or make them sadder. We are afraid to let ourselves feel our own grief, worried that once we see it and touch it, we will be consumed by an overwhelming wave of emotions that we cannot control or stop.

Some of the very good news in all this is that there are growing resources and programs. There are more school personnel who have received training in how to work with grieving students, and there are more state staff and clinical workers who consider how to support loss as part of children’s experiences. As the wonderful Fred Rogers always said, in times of distress, look for the helpers.

I encourage all of you to become one of those helpers. Volunteer with or contribute to a grief support organization. Check in on a child or family at month six or 12 after a death, not just amid the flood of casseroles immediately following a loss. Become grief informed and build a grief aware and supportive environment in your own workplace or school.

Small actions and kindnesses add up. If we want to improve the life and health trajectories for the more than 175,000 young people who will experience loss before the age of 25 in Kentucky, attending to their grief is the most important place to start.

Leila Salisbury is the founder and executive director of the Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families in Lexington. She invites children with loss to join them for a free Children’s Grief Awareness Day family program and other events in November. Learn more and register at www.kcgcf.org/news-and-events.

This story was originally published November 4, 2025 at 12:36 PM.